"Dr. Woody Bender" wins the first Email of the Day in July
— The Morning After (@TMASTL) July 1, 2016
Ello chaps! So I yesterday I made history as I became the first graduate of the Dan Marshall Leadership Institute! I used my diploma to obtain credentials into the pressbox yesterday for the ballgame. All of a sudden this voluptuous square-headed figure in a KMOV shirt, which I couldn’t tell if he was transitioning genders or not, stood up from his tunafish pot pie on the desk, and began scolding all the Kansas City media present at the game… “St Louis has the best fans in baseball!” “We have the best sloppy joe!” “People in Kansas City suck!” “Back in my day we didn’t play baseball, we just threw rocks at a tree!”
This him or her didn’t seem to make any sense with anything he was saying! But somehow, I got excited through this motivational speech and bing bing bing- my pants became sticky!!! Pervout baby! Pervout!
Peace be with the lot of yez,
DR WOODY BENDER
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