Welcome to Week 2, and after Week 1, I'm pretty pleased with where I sit in my goal to get to 60% of the games picked correctly. Granted, I went 7-9 last weekend, but the first week of the season is the most difficult one to pick.
I mean...
...who knew the Michael Turner, Matt Ryan, and the Falcons were the second coming of The Greatest Show On Turf?
...who knew Carolina players beating the hell out of each other in camp would lead to one of the biggest upsets of the weekend at San Diego?
...and who knew the Rams would make St. Louisans long for the days of Todd Kinchen beating up on an upright?
Fortunately, everything will be fixed this weekend now that Eddie Kennison is back. Bringing Eddie Kennison back to St. Louis---after 10 years---is similar to the Cardinals putting in a phone call to see if Jeff Brantley could help out the bullpen.
With that in mind, let's begin Bouce Back Week with the local NFL team also looking to bounce back.
Giants (-8.5) at Rams: Yeah. One team is coming off of winning the Super Bowl against one of the greatest teams ever, and the other team is coming off of a Ned 
Beatty-in-the-woods-kind-of-afternoon in Philadelphia. Even with that information now at my disposal...I'm not sure about this Sunday's Rams' game. As noted last week, when there's a game everybody and their brother is betting on one team, in my experience, the other team usually covers. It's strange that way. And, I know everybody and their brother likes the Giants -8.5 this week against the Rams. Therefore, respecting that principle as the ultimate principle in sports wagering, much like John McCain making his selection, I will go against everything I believe in, but I'll do it in the name of winning. Pick: Rams (+8.5)
Raiders at Chiefs (-3.5): Picking Kansas City to win for me is a lot like pulling for Ivan Drago in Rocky IV. The city's obsession with St. Louis has led me to a hatred for something that, 15 years ago, I didn't really even think about. Even when the Chiefs had two of my favorite nice-guy pro sports figures (Trent Green and Dick Vermeil), I couldn't pull for them. But, they stuck with the Patriots last week, and the Raiders just may be shockingly even more dreadful than in recent years. Pick: Chiefs (-3.5)
Titans at Bengals (-1): Shifty, shifty, shifty spread. The Bengals lose to the Ravens and some guy named John Flacco, and the Titans beat AFC Championship contender Jacksonville...yet the Bengals are the favorites. Sure, Vince Young is currently as stable as a Cardinal lead in the 9th inning, but man, that line screams, "Bet on the Titans." And, therefore, my selection is easy. Pick: Bengals (+1)
Colts (-2) at Vikings: Watching the Colts play on Sunday night, I could only think one thing: "Let's see...they built the RCA Dome in 1984, and 24 years later they have this beautiful, state-of-the-art Lucas Oil Stadium. If I do the math right, that means, we only have to wait until 2019 for the Edward Jones Dome to meet its maker." Meanwhile, the Colts are getting it put on them by the Bears. Yikes. Did Indianapolis get old that quickly? If some random rookie running back can tear them up, something tells me Adrian Peterson is going to have himself a nice, little day. Pick: Vikings +2
Saints (Pick 'em) at Redskins: Watching the Redskins try to move the football last week against the Giants reminds me of why I picked the Rams and the 8.5 points: because it makes absolutely no sense...and going with "absolutely no sense" in gambling is the way to win. Watching the Saints' new offense go up and down the field against the Bucs when they didn't even have Deuce makes me think New Orleans has something going this year. Pick: Saints-Pick 'em
Packers (-3) at Detroit: The Detroit Lions are bordering on a FCS school when it comes to Las Vegas: they shouldn't even be on the board. The Rams should be grateful for the Lions' presence in the league much like Arkansas is grateful for the existence of Mississippi. If you get run over by the Falcons, then you're going to get run over by the Packers. Pick: Packers -3
Bears at Panthers (-3): The two biggest surprises of Week 1 meet for a heads-up showdown in Charlotte...and it's a difficult one to handicap...because they were both supposed to be crappy this year...but they both went on the road and beat Super Bowl contenders. So, the coin toss goes in Chicago's favor for one reason and one reason alone: Brian Urlacher's reaction to NBC's Andrea Kramer when she said to 
him right after the game on the field, "Brian, the Bears' win is an upset..." and he looked at her like she was a loose football bouncing around in the endzone. He wanted to pounce on her so badly for calling his team's win an upset that he had to stand down...but #54 buys into the Bears, and so will I. Pick: Bears +3
Bills at Jaguars (-5.5): This should be called The Canada Cup. The Montreal Expos of the NFL get to play their home opener in front of 45,000 fans and a large black tarp to cover up the empty upper deck...despite being a hot pick for the AFC Championship this year. Meanwhile, the Bills are eyeing Toronto like Lindsay Lohan on ecstacy checking out a cameltoe. After destroying Seattle last week, I'm left to wonder if the Bills are that good...or the are Seahawks that bad? Based on the Seahawks' current residence in the NL West of the NFL, I'll go with option B. Pick: Jaguars (-5.5)
Falcons at Bucs (-7): Always good to see a Brian Griese started-game. That's like showing up to Busch Stadium and seeing a Brad Thompson started-game. Pick: Falcons (+7)
49ers at Seahawks (-6.5): I honestly believe the Seahawks are terrible. I believe they're so terrible that the Rams could go up there and win next week. Their receivers are hurt. Maurice Morris could be their starting running back (no offense to the 2006 Rams' run defense). And, the Bills scorched them for 34 points with the deadly combination of someone named Trent Edwards throwing over and over again to someone named Robert Royal. The 49ers may not win, but Shoot And Fix always liked to run up some points in the Great Northwest, and I think the 49ers will at least be able to keep it close with Martz avenging the 13 points his offense put up last week. Pick: 49ers +6.5
Dolphins at Cardinals (-6.5): I was kind of surprised to see the Dolphins hang with the Jets last week. I'm also kind of surprised to see the Cardinals favored by nearly a touchdown. Perhaps there's buzz in the Phoenix area over the imprisonment of Nik Richie, and now that his nemesis has been outed like Clay Aiken on photobucket, maybe Matt Leinart will lead his team to victory...by holding the clipboard better than ever before. Pick: Cardinals -6.5
Patriots at Jets (-1.5): Seeing the Jets favored over the Patriots should give all NFL teams...hell, all Americans...hope. Don't just buy into a guy making a good speech, buy into the New York Jets. If they can do it, you can do it. All it takes is the best quarterback in the league to tear his ACL & MCL...and the second-best quarterback in the league to join your team...and then you, too, can live the American Dream. The Jets are my horse this year, and I'm riding them like Jeanna Fine on Peter North. Pick: Jets -1.5
Ravens at Texans (-4.5): I think it'd benefit the league, in general, if this game were somehow not played. Not because of Hurricane Ike. But, just because it will make a KU game against any one of their September Specials look like Super Bowl XXXIV. Can't wait to see what hijinx that Ravens' offense has up its sleeve this week. Do you realize they've gone an entire fucking decade without having a quarterback who could start a Sunday afternoon flag football game at Francis Park? Pick: Texans -4.5
Chargers (-1.5) at Broncos: Let me get this straight: the Chargers lose to a bad team at home. The Broncos beat the hell out of a bad team on the road. And, the Chargers are the favorites on the road. Perfect. Next thing you're going to tell me is a baseball team in a pennant race at the trade deadline will stand around with its dick in its hands. Pick: Broncos +1.5
Steelers (-6) at Browns: Has the Derek Anderson magic worn off already? Are the Steelers on their way back to the Super Bowl? Would all of the Rams' 8 home games combined this year match the atmosphere in Cleveland Sunday night when these two rivals meet? The answer to all of the above is "no." Pick: Browns (+6)
Eagles at Cowboys (-6.5): I'm not sure anybody looked better this past Sunday than the Eagle. Of course, if you line up Jenna von Oy next to Mayim Bialik, "Six" will look like Giselle. Pac-Man "Adam" Jones said it best when explaining the Eagles success this past weekend, "It's the Rams, dude." This week, it's the Cowboys, dude. And, we're steamrolling towards a Brett Favre-Tony Romo showdown at the Super Bowl. Hank Baskett will not be running free in the secondary this weekend, but hopefully he'll still be able to crack up the opposition after the game...like he was able to do at midfield when seeing Steven Jackson...right after he beat the hell out of him 38-3. These Rams are really, really locked in. And, so are the Cowboys. Pick: Cowboys -6.5
What do you think? Log-in to post your comments, or you can email me at tmckernan@insidestl.com.