At this point in the season, we've come to the conclusion that the baseball networks are simply antagonizing us. Over the course of this summer, we documented Eric Byrnes' penchant for TV whoredom, in which Byrnes appears in ridiculous skit-based segments on the Fox Saturday baseball pregame show. Whereas last time we tuned in to see "Byrning Heat", the latest installment involved Byrnes acting as judge in a courtroom, something we're sure the Diamondbacks greatly appreciated [/sarcasm]. At that point, we turned off the TV in disgust, as this was the man who ...
appeared as a studio analyst for MLB on FOX telecasts, ESPN’s Baseball Tonight, appeared on an episode of the awkwardly terrible EOE game show Teammates– and kayaked across McCovey Cove with his baseball-searching dog, Bruin, during last year’s All Star festivities. All the while he’s reappeared in various roles on The Best Damn Sports Show Period.
Continuing the theme of the networks antagonizing us, Neil Everett added to his impressive arsenal of
Tampa Rays devil-lingo, with another award-winning descriptor for Tampa's 71 win milestone:
"This year, with the devil no longer a part of its moniker, Tampa Bay has become bedeviling."
And on the same night of ESPN programming, we witnessed the WorldWide Leader's newest "on-air personality", Steve Braband, excessively promote the live weekday morning SportsCenter episodes which were to debut the following day, only this time the spots were live from Braband's fantasy football draft where he wore a Brady Quinn jersey over a Ben Roethlisberger jersey (don't ask). To make sure the commercial was completely unbearable, viewers were treated to that horrid Finally Fast dot com commercial immediately after. It was
deja vu to the extreme, and watching the two spots in succession was akin to jamming fishing rods in our eyeballs on the entertainment scale.
Safe to say we've had better weekends of television viewing. There's always next weekend, though. As long as we keep a positive attitude and keep things in perspective, do the appropriate amount of game-planning and execute, we'll get back to our winning viewing habits next weekend.
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"I think (Michael Wilbon) went in and said 'pardon the interruption guys.'" - Jon Miller
That joke has never been used before, Jon. Kudos.
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"Obviously (President Bush) was sweating like everybody else. His back is soaking wet."- Tiki Barber
Prior to the Olympics, Tiki assumed all presidents were robots incapable of perspiring.
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"The FBI or the CIA or the Secret Service is going to take that shirt and find out who did it!"- Tiki, discussing a USA softball player placing infield chalk on the back of Bush's shirt
We're confident Barber won't be hosting Saturday Night Live in the near future. Stick to water-skiing squirrels, Tiki.
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"I’m shutting Joba (Chamberlain) down, this guy has a Hall of Fame career as did Kerry Wood, but Kerry Wood has been fighting arm issues for the last ten years because the Chicago Cubs ran him out there until his arm blew and I’m afraid that’s what is going to happen here with Joba Chamberlain." – Mark Grace
Mark might be playing fast and loose with the term "Hall of Fame career".
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"I’m no different aside from being a little gray-headed and a little bit older."- Brett Favre
Sure, Brett. Most of your teammates would probably have the team send out an official press release about you running a lap during training camp.
Teddy Atlas is having a blast inside Teddy Atlas' brain
Monday night CNBC aired "Round of 32" boxing action with the solid play-by-play voice of the New York Jets, Bob Papa, and longtime boxing trainer and commentator Teddy Atlas on the call. While some of the in-ring action was underwhelming, CNBC's appointed color analyst provided ample entertainment with a litany of boxing cliches, metaphors and similes that would make Larry Merchant jealous.
Three notable anecdotes from American Sadam Ali's lopsided 20-5 defeat at the hands of Romania's Georgian Popescu ...
"There is more to a fight than one hand."
With wisdom like that, you'd think Teddy was vying for the title of "boxing's John Madden".
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"He's good at taking air out of the tires."
A reference to body blows to the gut and stomach, I'm confident Atlas has used the tires metaphor many a time throughout his years as a trainer for Mike Tyson and Michael Moorer.
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"When you're in a boxing match, you want to be the ocean; when you're controlling everything that's around you. Both of these fighters are attempting to be the ocean. They do not want to be the log that gets moved and drifted from place to place. And that's why they're being so careful."
That's beautiful stuff. It's analysis like that which turned a disappointing match into an entertaining boxing production. We're now tempted to purchase Teddy's autobiography.
Master the Obvious and You Too Can Cover the Olympics
Mitch Albom Still Stuck in Suck Mode
Admittedly, we don't read much of Mitch Albom's columns; we had enough of him on the Sports Reporters alongside William C. Rhoden and Mike Lupica for the past 15 years. But when Albom goes to Beijing to cover the Olympics and morphs into Bill Simmons at the Super Bowl, we certainly
take note of it (or have our online friends do it and then take note of it).
Of the first four columns Albom constructed from the Olympics, four of them were about Mitch Albom!
Why make this Olympic journey?- yes, please tell us why you, Mitch Albom, decided to grace the games with your presence.
Theme from Beijing: There's always someone else - the tale of trying to get a cab and Mitch's hotel room (!!!)
How business gets done in China - Mitch goes shopping and would like you to know about fashion
USA vs. China features high energy from crowd- who needs basketball input when you can hear all about the monsoon that got in the way of Albom's trek to the game?
At some point when the mainstream sector of society transformed Albom from sports columnist to all-world-spiritual advisor, Albom became his own believer. We believe Albom's columns to suck.
Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
Even though the Bobber loves an individual snappy line, he's all about chemistry and good teamwork. When one media outlet displays great team unity in the quest for a top-flight snap, everyone at the Carpenter Memorial stands up and takes notice.
Luckily for the St. Louis Post-Dispatch, the account of Troy Glaus' two homer, 5 RBI day at Wrigley on Saturday did not go unnoticed. Everyone from the headline writers to beat writer Joe Strauss and columnist Bernie Miklasz took advantage of Glaus snapping his 0-30 season against the Cubs in grand fashion.
Before the 0-for was snapped ... ... ...
He was Geraldo Rivera opening Al Capone's vault
Glaus was like a democrat running for office in Utah
The Glaus wasn't half-filled, it was empty.
And after?
Glaus turns glossy in Cards rout
No more zero: how about hero?
And with that, Robert C sends out two strong thumps up to the Post-Dispatch sports section. Solid work, fellas.
The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Pat Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them at info@joesportsfan.com