My first memories of baseball come from the wonderful year of 1989. It’s the main reason posters of Will Clark, Tom Brunansky (seriously) and Kirby Puckett occupied space on my childhood bedroom wall. It's also why I spend time wondering how that era of baseball would have been different in today’s media landscape.
How would the media cover a bench-clearing brawl between the Cardinals and Giants when Ozzie Smith throws a punch at Will Clark and misses? Would there be a “Chasing History” ticker for Orel Hershiser’s consecutive scoreless innings streak? Would Tony Gwynn do Subway commercials?
Another thing to consider: what music would the stars of the era have as their theme song upon entering the batter’s box? I can’t say for certain when the batting theme song became standard MLB practice, but I don’t remember any Cardinals players jamming out at the plate while Busch Stadium was adorned with Astroturf (pre-1996).
At any rate, I browsed the AL and NL All Star rosters from 1988, ’89 and ’90 and comprised my starting lineup based on those rosters, with a song accomanying each player. The only rule in this music hysteria is that each batting song must have debuted at or before the 1990 All Star Game. Oh, and at the risk of repeating phrases such as “Late 80s/Early 90s Era”, I will refer to said time period as “The Cosby Years”.
Here’s your starting lineup with theme songs in tow.
1.) 3rd Base: Wade Boggs - Addicted to Love, Robert Palmer
During the Cosby Years, Boggs was the best hitter in baseball. He never struck out more than 68 times in a season and hit .325 or higher in 9 of his first 10 seasons (the other season he hit .302). Renowned for his love of chicken and self-compulsion, Boggs is more or less a psycho. As a self-admitted sex addict, Boggs probably jammed out to Palmer’s hit in the locker room pre and post-game as well as in the bedroom. I’m thinking he envisioned a 2 seam fastball dancing into his wheelhouse during both scenarios.
Honorable Consideration – The Chicken Dance
2.) CF: Kirby Puckett – Sledgehammer, Peter Gabriel
On the field, everyone loved Kirby. He was short and stocky, carried a big stick and played great defense. He helped bring a world championship to Minnesota two times in 4 years. It’s inconceivable to imagine Kirby having a crappy batting song. Considering he starred on the “Puckett Wrecking Crew” poster, a sledgehammer analogy for Kirby’s bat is most appropriate.
Honorable Consideration – All Night Long, Lionel Ritchie
3.) 1st Base: Will Clark – Shoot to Thrill, ACDC
There was no player quite like Will Clark during the Cosby Years. He had the attitude, the sweet swing and the perfect amount of eye black. I have vivid memories of emulating his stance and swing with a waffle-bat in hand. After watching him destroy the Cubs in the ’89 NLCS, I was hooked. Next to Ken Griffey, Jr., he was my favorite player.
Even though he wasn’t the biggest or the strongest, the Thrill struck fear into the heart of the opposition every time he sauntered to the plate. If nothing else, you knew you were in for a fight to get him out. The only thing that could make a Will Clark at-bat less enjoyable for a pitcher was to hear ACDC blaring through the sound system, with Angus shouting Clark’s nickname.
Honorable Consideration – any song by Ted Nugent
4.) DH: Kevin Mitchell - Welcome to the Terrordome, Public Enemy
Need I explain myself here? In 1989, Mitchell was the most feared hitter in the National League, hitting .291 with 47HR and 125 RBI. He also captured MVP honors. He followed up the MVP season with 35 bombs and a .290 average. Off the field, Mitchell was odd to say the least. Rumors suggest he decapitated his ex-girlfriend’s cat after an argument. He also assaulted his father, punched an opposing minor league team’s manager and injured himself while vomiting. And during the '89 NLCS, Vin Scully informed America that when he gets a cold, Kevin Mitchell eats Vick's vaporub.
Honorable Consideration – Fight the Power, Public Enemy
5.) 2nd Base: Ryne Sandberg – Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go, WHAM!
Sandberg was the superstar middle infielder during the Cosby Years. When guys like Jose Oquendo and Jody Reed were hitting .280 with 1 HR every year, Ryne was hitting for power and average while maintaining gold glove defense. Even so, there was something about him I never liked. It wasn’t because he represented the Cubs during a time when the Cardinals sucked, it was because he spelled his name R-Y-N-E even though everyone pronounced it “Ryan”.
Only a guy named Ryne would strut his stuff with WHAM! (the phrase “strut his stuff” was intentional). Sidenote: I had no idea the Grammatica brothers comprised one half of WHAM!
Honorable Consideration - Get Out of My Dreams, Billy Ocean
6.) LF: Eric Davis – Pump Up the Jam, Technotronic
If nothing else, Eric Davis knew how to put on a show. His peculiar batting stance along with the combination of speed and power complimented his hot dog tactics. Davis was one of very few outfielders who caught fly balls and pop ups with the one-hand snap catch perfected by Ricky Henderson (young Barry Bonds comes to mind too). I envision Davis being hip with his times, so Technotronic it is. I’d imagine this song played in the clubhouse prior to Game 1 of the 1990 World Series. No way the Reds sweep without it, and not a chance Jack Armstrong was that good on his own.
Honorable Mention – Beats to the Rhyme, Run D.M.C.
7.) RF: Tony Gwynn - The Loco-Motion, Kylie Minogue
The NL’s answer to Wade Boggs, Gwynn played the part of the benevolent, rotund, jovial batsmen. While Boggs had a penchant for chicken, he opted for Twinkies and Ding Dongs. There's something so real about Gwynn attempting to do the Locomotion when the lights went dim and nobody was around. The way he swayed in the batter's box had a hint of Locomotion as well.
Honorable Consideration – Love Shack, B-52’s
8.) C: Benito Santiago – Push It, Salt ‘N Pepa
Remember when Santiago wowed baseball fans simply by squatting behind the plate on his knees while attempting to throw runners out at 2nd and 3rd? Such simpler times we lived. Anyway, I picture Benny driving blaring "Push It" in his El Camino while sweating profusely and carefully grooming his mustache.
Honorable Consideration – Red Red Wine, UB40 (I picture Benny singing this song in his coche)
9.) SS: Ozzie Smith – Rhythm Nation, Janet Jackson
He was agile, he had grace and was acrobatic. Though I took him for granted as a child-fan of the Redbirds, the Wizard was the best defensive shortstop of his generation. Off the field, he’s always been a trendy, GQ player. The fact that his son Niko took part in American Idol counts for something too.
His off and on-field attributes considered, Ozzie pisses rhythm (he attained citizenship into the nation years ago (**clever**). Be glad I didn’t give you Gloria Estefan’s discourse about rhythm for this entry.
Honorable Consideration – My Perogative, Bobby Brown
SP: Orel Hershiser – Never Gonna Give You Up, Rick Astley
If snappiness is your cup of tea, it could be interpreted that Astley’s 1988 hit coincides with Hershiser’s 58 and one third scoreless innings streak, since, you know, Orel “never gave up” a run. In reality, we all know Orel chose this song because he’s a nerd. Great pitcher, a seemingly genuine guy and at one time, the most dominant pitcher in the game – but a nerd nonetheless. And according to our friends at the Sports Hernia, a blossoming mad man.
Honorable Consideration – Kokomo, Beach Boys (only when Orel is feeling frisky)
Closer: Dennis Eckersley – Take Me Home Tonight, Eddie Money
When Money’s song blared through the stadium speakers, the fans knew the game was over. I'd imagine staying out with Eckersley until the wee hours of the morning would make for a very good time. Take me home, Eck. Throw that splitter and do your thing (unless the count is 3 and 2 and Kirk Gibson is batting). Don't mullets and Eddie money go together anyway?
Honorable Consideration – Here I Go Again, Whitesnake
*column originally ran last summer - but we rediscovered it buried deep within the interwebs*