Somewhere along the line, announcers of sporting events created their own dialect that is comprised primarily of clichés and phrases that, outside of the sports world, carry no meaning at all. Without a general understanding of this language, one might find it hard to follow along with the announcers of the game.
To better help sports viewers of all levels follow the games they are watching on TV, we’ve created a guidebook to assist in the difficult task of translating announcer-speak into common English. A play-by-play dictionary, if you will.
Carry it with you next time you sit down to watch your favorite team and hopefully that foreign dialect being broadcast through your TV will make a little more sense.
"He plays the game the way it’s supposed to be played" : Translation – “I have absolutely nothing to say about this player except that he doesn’t do anything retarded such as hitting with the wrong end of the bat or running straight to third base after a walk.”
"He’s a football player": Used primarily by former players turned analysts. No proper explanation can be given to non-football playing peons because they do not have the mental capacity to understand it. The rough translation is “I’m a football player and there’s a pretty good chance that you’re not. Because you are a lazy slob who watches sports rather than plays them, you won’t understand that, when I say someone is a “football” player, it means that they are just like me, a modern day gladiator who destroys his body every week for the love of the game and would do the same thing if he was getting paid only in hamburger meat. Football rules, pussy.”
"He’s off to an inauspicious start" : The term “inauspicious” is reserved for cases of extreme suckitude that occur early in a game. Examples include a pitcher that has given up back-to-back homeruns in the first inning, a quarterback that has thrown three interceptions in the first half or the first period of any St. Louis Blues game. Synonyms include “horrific”, “terrible”, “freaking horrendous”, “vomit-inducing”, "Garrett Stephenson-like" amongst others.
"He’s the kind of player who will bust you in the mouth" : Discovered only a few years ago, this phrase is used when an announcer is searching for a hip way to say that a player is tough. Keep in mind however that, should said player ever actually bust someone in the mouth, the announcer would be required to criticize this player openly and inform the audience that the player has achieved full-fledged “thug” status.
"He’s savvy" : Savvy is a term that is used when a play-by-play has not watched enough of a player to determine what it is that makes him good. Rather than making an effort to find out, he chooses to describe him with a snazzy adjective that has no real meaning whatsoever.
"He’s a savvy veteran" : An announcer’s way of saying, “this guy was good once but now he pretty much sucks balls.”
"Just a classy guy on and off the field" : A rare distinction that is awarded to a player only after he has demonstrated the ability to allow media members to repeatedly shove their microphones in his face when he has is at maximum crank exposure, and still resist the urge to treat said media members like a piece of dog crap, even though it is completely justified.
"He trusts his hands" : A description of a baseball player who is able to hit the inside pitch, which the former player/analyst never could. That or it could be the analyst trying to tell the audience that he used to trust his hands until that one night when he got drunk, pleasured himself with his left, causing a huge fight between his hands the next morning. No one is quite certain.
"That was a nice piece of hitting" : Federal law requires announcers to recite this line whenever a baseball player is able to get a hit to the opposite field. The same law strictly forbids this sentence structure to be used in other sports related instances, such as “a nice piece of catching” or “a nice piece of throwing”.
"He lets the game come to him" : See above under - “he plays the game the way it’s supposed to be played.”
"Good teams find a way to win" : Announcer research teams have done a complex statistical analysis and all signs point to one undeniable conclusion- teams that win are good and they do a lot of good things. Bad teams lose because of a lack of doing good things.
"He’s a gunslinger" : An announcing proclamation of love for Brett Favre. The term gunslinger is technically defined as “A quarterback who makes crappy throws on a regular basis yet is universally canonized by media members who clearly want to make sweet love to him in a hot tub overlooking Lambeau Field.”
"That right there was a thing" : Only to be used by John Madden. It is unknown to anyone what this means, including John Madden.
"Did he call that?" : The standard phrase used by an announcer or analyst after a successful bank shot three pointer. This is to be seen as an outward display of their comedic talents to the kids watching on television. The first appearance of this joke is believed to have occurred in 1974.
"That guy is scrappy" : The industry accepted terminology used to describe a short white guy who does not look to have an athletic bone in his body, yet is still good for some inexplicable reason. African-American players are not allowed to be “scrappy”.
"That could be a blessing in disguise" : An announcers way of saying, “I am a complete homer and even I think this team sucks right now. Basically I’m hoping for any freaking sign of life.”
"It's all about execution" : Announcers are taught in broadcast/journalism school that they are the only beings who can grasp the idea that success in a sporting event is obtained through “execution”, despite the concept being quite obvious to any non-idiot.
"You said it." : The play-by-play man's way of showing that he approves of and appreciates the knowledge of his counterpart even though he has no earthly idea what his counterpart is talking about.
"He has a motor that never stops" : The football equivalent of a “scrappy” player. The African-American version of this description is “athletic”.
"He’s a gamer" : An indication that this particular player isn’t very good and doesn’t really bring anything to the table, but he comes out to play every night and looks like he’s into the game. Also commonly defined as “the exact opposite of JD Drew.”
"They have their swagger back" : The announcing version of a retraction. Indicates that the media had previously decided to pile on this team as a collection of overrated scrubs, only to have the team go on to obtain notable measures of success after they were written off. Rather than admitting that they completely overreacted at first, it is acceptable industry standard to simply attribute this transgression to the return of a fictional creature known as “swagger.”
“Pure Point Guard”: basketball player, typically under 6 feet tall, who discovered at a young age that they had no ability to shoot the ball from beyond five feet, therefore perfected the art of dribbling, passing into the post and slapping their hands on the floor while playing defense.
“Trying to do too much”: Common way for an announcer to excuse the piss poor performance of a fan or media favorite. Since most announcers are prohibited from criticizing players that they or their producers are friendly with, a sub standard performance is to be attributed to said player taking on too much responsibility. Players who are not popular amongst fans and/or media members are never viewed as “trying to do too much”, rather they are chastised for not “stepping up”.