If Tom Smykowski from Office Space ever saw his dream of the "jump to conclusions" game come to reality, we have to assume that the mainstream sports media would be camping out in front of Toys 'R Us to get their hands on it. Nobody is better at squeezing rock solid facts from minimal information than sports writers and talking heads. Some even get paid to do it.
Over at Yahoo! Sports, Steve Henson got the call to do a mid-season review of Major League Baseball and hand out some grades. Along with those grades came a few turns on the jump to conclusions mat.
"Yet the Cubs are positioned nicely to end their century-long World Series title drought. Getting through the NL playoffs shouldn’t be daunting."
The NL playoffs are really just a formality should the Cubs make it. Matter of fact, we heard they've already hired the Behind the Music dude to do the voiceover for the World Series DVD. That guy does some mean voice work.
"One of many teams tough to beat at home, and 43 of their last 81 games are at Miller Park."
For those keeping score at home, that means the Brewers play a whopping 53% of their remaining games at home. Looks like Mr. Selig may be pulling some strings for his old club. Can you say "unfair advantage"?
"It doesn’t appear the Phillies would be a strong World Series representative – they lost 9 of 12 in a late-June interleague swing."
You know who would be a good representative in the World Series? The Royals. They went 13-5 in interleague, they'd be a lock.
This game is almost like hop scotch, only more fun!
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"The writer interviewed 146 players for the book, unearthing details such as Charles Haley's fondness for exposing his genitals to teammates. It's a delicious read."- Richard Deitsch, SI Media Circus
We enjoy reading Deitsch's weekly offerings, but any reference to exposing one's genitals directly followed by the words "it's a delicious read" is automatic JSF Media Circus material. We don't care who you are.
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"Playing for any old NFL team would be crime enough to many of (Brett Favre's) faithful, but playing for a rival like Minnesota or Chicago would be like Johnny Damon spurning the Red Sox for the Yankees. Times five." - Peter King
Did you know that Johnny Damon is 1/5 the person Brett Favre is? It's true.
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"I keep hearing Favre was pushed into retirement by the Packers demanding an early decision this off-season, or by Thompson not showing him enough love. He might feel that way, but I think it's nonsense. Favre stood up in front of the world six weeks after he played his last game and said he was finished. If he's not, the Packers are not to blame." - Peter King
For as much as we (and many others) give ole Petey a hard time about his Favre stalker habits, we have to give credit when the writer still follows objectivity in the midst of a smoldering love affair. Kudos.
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"Favre's agent, Bus Cook, called this scenario more than four months ago. He told ESPN's Chris Mortensen that Thompson did "nothing" to encourage Favre to continue playing. That could mean two things: Thompson respected Favre's decision, or Thompson wanted to staple gun Favre's name to the NFL retirement list. I'm going with the staple gun plot." - Gene Wojciechowski, ESPN.com
Of course Gene has no evidence of the "staple gun plot", or any evidence that Favre even wants to come back for that matter, but it sure does make for an easier column when he pretends he does.
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"It's not just NBA players who have the fiscal sense of the Taco Bell Chihuahua." – Rick Reilly, ESPN the Magazine
What does $3 million get you in the sports media market these days? Hilarious references to the Taco Bell Chihuahua.
Media Rant - Federer Passes Torch to Nadal in Attempt to Change Guard
After Rafael Nadal captured the Wimbledon title in a near five hour match against his arch-nemesis, Roger Federer, the collective reaction of the mainstream media was nothing, if not predictable. While we certainly don't fancy ourselves as tennis fans with insightful opinions, we still hold the perceived ability to point out nonsense in the land of media absurdity - even when it revolves around tennis.
For the record, we don't doubt or even question the opinions of anyone who argues Sunday's final was the greatest tennis match they've "ever seen", especially when it comes from former champions John McEnroe and Bjorn Borg. It's completely subjective. We do, however, disagree with people like J.A. Adande, who claim Sunday's match was a greater sporting event than any Super Bowl or any NBA Finals of the past 20 years. That argument is also subjective, but has a lot more holes in it.
The one consistent argument we encountered in the Wimbledon fallout that we absolutely disagree with is the "passing of the torch" or "changing of the guard". Aside from the fact that it's a completely nebulous title, isn't that something that we won't truly know until history runs its course? While it's certainly possible that Sunday marked such an occasion, it could also be that Federer beats Nadal in their next match and wins the French Open next year.
That thought didn't occur to many of our mainstream media friends. In their world, it's not even up for debate: we witnessed a changing of the guard or passing of the torch. Read and witness the absurdity...
"The torch wasn't passed, it was ripped." - Chris Fowler, ESPN
"It was a match that marked the passing of a torch, and as darkness settled upon the most famous tennis venue on the globe, Wimbledon Centre Court, a torch or two would have been helpful."- Art Spander, CBS Sports
"In tennis, the most recent passing-the-torch moment came here at Wimbledon. Instructively, Federer was on the other side of the exchange. Sampras had won four straight championships at the All England Club (1997 to 2000), and seven of eight overall. Federer, only 19, beat Sampras 7-5 in the fifth set of a fourth-round match, ending the champion's 31-match winning streak."- Greg Garber, ESPN, in a column titled "Sea-change moment in Nadal's Wimbledon championship"
"I believe that Nadal has not only caught Federer, but he's surpassed him." - Woody Paige (ballsy claim by Paige after Nadal just beat Federer, eh?)
"Rafael Nadal ended Roger Federer's five-year reign at Wimbledon on Sunday, winning a riveting, five-set marathon to claim his first title at the All England Club and signal a changing of the guard in men's tennis." - Associated Press
"After five riveting sets and 4 hours, 48 minutes of play, there was a changing of the guard at Wimbledon on Sunday." - Stephen Wilson, AP
So it's settled; 26 year old Roger Federer passed the torch to Rafael Nadal on Sunday - just as it was 100% proof positive that the Patriots were a dynasty after their Super Bowl XXXVIII victory. If you say so, mainstream media.
Thankfully, there were a few rational thoughts muffling through the volume of the passing of the torch and changing of the guard craze.
"Changing of the guard? Maybe it is, but do not write (Roger Federer) off." - Patrick McEnroe
"It took everything he had to dethrone Federer, let's give it a couple more years."- Kevin Blackistone
Thanks fellas. For a second, we thought we were the only ones.
The Return of the Big Show
Even though NBC failed to release any on-air talent for Football Night in America, the network saw fit to add another personality to the fold and reunite the wittiest sports broadcast duo of... ... 1994. Monday it was announced that Dan Patrick would be joining Keith Olbermann to call highlights on the studio show for NBC's Sunday night telecasts. If you're keeping score at home, that means the show will consist of Bob Costas, Keith Olbermann, Dan Patrick, Tiki Barber, Cris Collinsworth, Jerome Bettis and Peter King. Keep in mind the program only lasts 60 minutes, plus a halftime show.
While we certainly enjoyed the "big show" when it was conceived in the early to mid 90s, there is something about this revival that reeks of failure. Perhaps it's, oh, we don't know... five other people on the same show. That and the fact that NBC is trying to "recreate" the once great chemistry of the two. That's the problem; instead of trying to be innovative with creative and original programming, fans will be subjected to a nostalgia tour that will lose its luster after a few weeks. While it may sound good in theory or on paper to some, reality will probably prove otherwise.
From here on out when people say "The Big Show", they'll be referring to that football show with seven people. At least, that's what we think. We won't try telling that to some of the commenters on the NYT blog that originally broke the story:
Pure magic. These two guys are supposed to work together.
I will watch this program though I don’t watch much football. Keith is my heart’s delight: part Cary Grant, part Brando (in his later years).
I predict…they will be …’en fuego!!’ these guys were just plain funny. they would find the one highlight where the tackler pulls the runners pants down… and use that as a springboard to a sharp comment. they kind of remind me of the Marx brothers…
Dan and Keith back together again, talking football: their first, best destiny. I nominate NBC Sports for tonight’s “Best Persons in the World”.
This isn’t quite the Beatles getting back together, but for this sports fan - it’s almost the equivalent of such.
Come to think of it, there was a time when 1994 Olbermann would have
fit in perfectly with the Beatles.
Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
Over the course of the summer, the Bobber has been wowed by a new breed of snappy line-sayers. Euro 2008 celebrated cultural awareness and diversity by proving that snappiness can thrive in our neighboring continents. Heck, even last week, Bobby celebrated a new Neil Everett, one that refrains from alcohol and perversion-laced snap for a more conservative, traditional approach.
So it's not surprising to see another newbie welcomed with open arms to the Carpenter Memorial. This time USA Today's Tom Weir drops a doozy regarding the most important regular season MLB trade to date:
"C.C. Sabathia apparently will say see-see you later to Cleveland, and be traded to Milwaukee."
See-see how he did that? Nothing like a clever play on a name can bring two Carpenter thumbs up. If newbie-snappy liners were TV pilots, Tom Weir just got approved for the '08 fall season.
The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them at info@joesportsfan.com