For an active Major Leaguer, Eric Byrnes sure gets around a lot. While former all-pro media whore Curt Schilling is all but silent these days, Byrnes has arguably jumped past Schilling in the ’08 rankings. Sure, Byrnes’ activities are often pointless, if not stupid, but we’re really starting to take note of the fact that he loves him some television face time.
In the past, Byrnes has appeared as a studio analyst for MLB on FOX telecasts, ESPN’s Baseball Tonight, appeared on an episode of the awkwardly terrible EOE game show Teammates – hosted by Stuart Scott – and kayaked across McCovey Cove with his baseball-searching dog, Bruin, during last year’s All Star festivities. All the while he’s reappeared in various roles on The Best Damn Sports Show Period.
This past Saturday, Byrnes etched a new chapter in his book of whoring, when he “starred” as Detective Brock Storm in the FOX Saturday Baseball segment “Byrning Heat” (see how they did that?). Joined by teammates O-Dog (Orlando Hudson) and Chaz Lightning (Connor Jackson), the three tried to get to the bottom of how and why some of the lesser known players have thrived thus far in ’08, while viewers at home were left wondering who, how and why FOX decided the segment would be funny.
The only redeeming quality was the fake mustaches the three wore, but it still wasn’t enough to make us realize we were wasting our time.
For the record, Byrnes appeared on Best Damn Sports Show, Period last night as well.
I guess we underestimated the media’s passion for ballplayers that look like 70’s hippies.
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"(Blake DeWitt) literally came out of nowhere." - Joe Buck
Before you throw your arms in the air and shake your head, know that DeWitt appeared out of thin air in Joe Torre's bedroom during the first week of Spring Training, after Torre met with a witch doctor and meditated for 17 hours in nothing but candlelight.
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"When was the last time you could get a cold frosty one for two bits?" - Mike Shannon, Cardinals radio play-by-play man
Sitting through the typical Shannon broadcast often leads one to surmise he has been drinking nonstop since that era.
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"I think the Easter Bunny made the schedule." - Shannon, on the odd baseball schedule
See?
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"Juan Pierre is having a fabulous year." - Joe Morgan
Yes, a .281 average and .669 OPS is fabulous. For just $9 million a year, your team can experience this fabulousness!
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"It's easier for a hitter to watch film of a pitcher than it is for a hitter to be watched on film by a pitcher." - Joe Morgan
Studies show that 36% of pitchers have trouble hooking up their VCRs and DVD players hindering their ability to watch film of hitters - verifying Morgan's sentiments.
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"There are two things that really affect your swing: your legs and your hands." - Joe Morgan
Don't forget the eyes, Joe.
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"I feel like (Jeff Kent) either has an argument, or he doesn't." - Jon Miller
We feel like 19 years of working with Joe Morgan is starting to get to Jon Miller
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"Adam (Wainwright) gets a hold of something, he’s going to jerk it to left or center" – Al Hrabosky
Historical Matchup or…
If you’re a fan of Track and Field, the upcoming matchup between sprinters Tyson Gay and Usain Bolt in this summer’s Olympics promises to be one to remember.
If you’re not a fan of Track and Field and only follow sports via the headlines in the paper or online, well, then you’re getting a totally different perspective on this rivalry:
Bolt has Gay on radar for New York showdown – The Independent
Gay admits Bolt “looked good” in Kingston – Carribean Net News
Bolt looking to enjoy clash with Gay in New York – Jamaica Gleaner
Two of the top sprinters in the world going head-to-head? Or the tale of a guy named Bolt and his journey through his first bi-curious experience?
Guess it depends on how much of the article you read.
SI Shows Jenna Jameson Voicing Oral Support
Media Rant: Cubs the Team of Destiny
Hey did you hear? The Cubs are like so the team of destiny. After their impressive come from behind win over the Rockies on Friday afternoon at Wrigley, the floodgates for destiny talk officially opened, or we should say, re-opened.
Roman Madrowski of the Chicago Sun Times has seen this before and said it before, and to him, it bears repeating:
I think it was like June 25 of last year, and I think it was a wild win over the Rockies when I called the Cubs a team of destiny in this blog. It was the type of game you point to in October as proof of something special. Was today's Cubs win over the Rockies along the same lines?
Last year was different because after that wild win, the Cubs were still around .500. This season they have the best record in baseball and are supposed to win. But still, they've won so many games they should have lost. That usually bodes well in the big picture.
A team of destiny? Who knows. One hundred years of being a team destined to disappoint has a lot of momentum, but maybe this year is different. Maybe they're not a team of destiny, but they sure are a scrappy bunch.
To be fair to Roman, at least he steered clear of the full destiny label, but it still makes us wonder how a writer can write about the same thing when last year disproved his ridiculous theory that originated from zero percent fact. Just like the 2001 Yankees battling after 9-11, the 2002 Cardinals battling after the deaths of Jack Buck and Daryl Kile and the 2003 Cubbies, the ’08 version is a team of destiny. You may call them whatever you want, Mr. Madrowski. If it makes you happy. The majority of Madrowski’s readers appear to be on the same page:
At least Roman didn’t stretch so far as to correlate Chicagoan Barack Obama’s chance at winning the presidency of the United States of America; Michael Levy of the Britannica blog did that for him (and no, Levy is not “the Encyclopedia Britannica guy”):
Perhaps that 2008 marks the centennial of the Cubs’ last World Series title has made some among us–particularly those like me who suffer from delusions–believe that this is a year of destiny. We grasp at anything. For example, there was this Chicagoan more than a year ago who entered a contest for the most powerful job in the world and who was given long odds to defeat the dynasty that had held sway over his party for the past decade and a half. - Michael Levy
Hey, at least Levy is privy to the fact that he’s delusional. As for the poll referenced above, we find it humorous that a vote for "winning in incredible ways" is a sure sign of destiny. The selection for "winning in incredible ways because the team outplays the opposition" must have been left off by mistake.
The Cubs might very well win it all, but it won’t be due to supernatural forces.
Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
In the annals of the Carpenter Memorial, ESPN's Neil Everett has earned a reputation of hovering on the brink of perversion, which is why the Bobber has never taken a liking to the SportsCenter anchor. But since we're in dire times and the prices of snap continue to soar, Bobby is forced to go against his wishes and heed the words of Everett describing a Jason Giambi home run.
"It's Jason Giambi, so it must be 'Thong Gone'."
Regardless of Giambi's gameday wardrobe, Bob never appreciates use of the word "thong", especially as it relates to snappy lines. As he's done throughout his tenure, he gives Neil another thumb down, and hopes to get off the snide next week.