With the exception of the Eli Manning and Jay Cutler photos, every one should be right-aligned. Thanks, bro.
patrick
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I'll tell ya, when you can, yya know, sprinkle some Monday Football Column on the turducken, that's when you're going to have a good turducken." - John Madden
The Chiefs moved to within a game of 3rd place in the AFC West with a hard fought 20-13 win over the Raiders in Oakland. While the game stats weren't anything spectacular, Kansas City outgained the Raiders, controlled the time of possession and won the turnover battle. Quite frankly, I'm shocked the Chiefs have mustered two victories this season, given that their roster is loaded with kids, or at least, grown men with child names. Tyler is the quarterback, Connor is the kicker, the name of the punter is Dustin and B.J. is the kick returner. And Larry? Larry acts like the old creep who hangs out with the kids. He constantly gets in trouble at recess for being violent with girls and touching them inappropriately near their na-na spots.
While the on-field personnel sounds young, the guys calling the shots are quite the opposite. Herman and Gunther are in charge of the team defense, and Dick Curl is the assistant coach (pictured right). Dick Curl is old, shriveled and wrinkly and yet, everyone says Dick Curl is a straight shooter. Hard to believe, but even Tyler Thigpen's mother said Dick Curl shoots straight. As Tyler's quarterbacks coach, Dick Curl has taught Mrs. Thigpen's son how to fling the rocket and how to sling it sideways when the situation dictates such, so to speak.
The Thigpen's are up for Chiefs Week 14 orange slice duty, by the way.
Raiders thinking they should just sign Lane Kiffin again
Gotta love the Raiders coaches sincerely flattering the college football world with a fake field goal toss to kicker Sebastian Janikowski. Much like the Nebraska Cornhuskers attempt in Boulder on Friday, the Oakland fake field goal failed miserably. Given that Kiffin is set to take over at Tennessee, perhaps the Raiders were under orders from the skeleton in the sweat suit to really show that Lane guy what all this college innovation is all about. Or maybe the Raiders just suck really bad and have horrible leadership all across the board. You decide.
Lovie Smith amazed at Bears' superior domination of Vikings on Sunday Night Football
Interesting to hear Lovie Smith tell Andrea Kramer during halftime that he wasn't worried about the Vikings 17-7 lead because the Bears dominated the 1st Half. Sure, the Bears were outgained 287-165 and trailed by 10 with 30 minutes to play, but Lovie was confident that his team executed close to perfection.
After 60 minutes, the Vikings doubled up the lead 34-14, outgained the Bears by 150 yards and turned it over once compared to Chicago's three Kyle Orton interceptions. While I'm merely speculating, I'd have to think Lovie will give his team an extra day off from practice for an outstanding effort in domination.
More games like that and Lovie should be in line for a lifetime contract extension.
Eli Manning implores official to check teammates for handguns
NFL Marketing Guy spends holiday in hospital to surgically remove head from anus
Just a word of advice for you, NFL. When promoting awareness for childhood obesity, it's probably best to do so before or after Thanksgiving and not DURING the day Americans collectively strive to eat until they can no longer eat. Think about it.
NFC East Division removed from the front line; to work in retail security
Like many things NFL, the hype surrounding the NFC East was (GASP!) just that. With four weeks to go, the Giants are the only team in the division in line for a playoff birth, with the 8-4 Cowboys missing out to the 8-4 Falcons and soon-to-be 9-4 Panthers or Bucs (the two teams play on MNF next week). While the NFC East hasn't been the iron fist the media made them out to be in the first half of the season, the NFC South quietly has three teams in line for the playoffs. The division as a whole is 22-2 at home, which is why I nominate the NFC South to take leadership in homeland security. Contrast the 22-2 record with the NFC East's 18-7 home record and it's safe to say the South is winning the war on terror.
Fan morale in Green Bay surges after whispers of a Gunslinger resonate
It was just Jake Delhomme, though. Sorry cheese people.
And unfortunately for the Cheesioids, the Packers fell to 5-7 Sunday, and 1-4 in games decided by seven or less points. It's nearly a complete reversal to last season's team, which finished 5-1 in said games. A scan of the boxscore brings up several questions for which I demand answers.
How does a team lose a game when they outgain the opposition 438-300, which includes advantages in rushing and passing?
How does the team lose when it nearly doubles up the time of possession, 38-22?
After doing some thinking, I concluded that while Carolina's 5-for-5 red zone rating compared to Green Bay's 2-for-4 had something to do with it, the real reason is because Aaron Rodgers doesn't play football wearing Wrangler Jeans with his Labradors.
Good-hearted Jay Cutler loves the one about the sabotaged insulin shot
Cutler also had the most unintentionally funny quote from Sunday (or most calculating, below the belt insult), speaking of his on-field counterpart, Our Favre: "He's one of the greatest to ever play the game. It's always fun to go up against him and watch him play and see how he handles himself and see how he manages the game because, you know, he's running out of years."
2 Minute Run 'n Shoot No Huddle Drill
LenDale White ... didn't share the turkey at Chris Johnson's house like he shares the ball on gameday because Jeff Fisher wasn't there - and because he's fat. LenDale also rubbed Hellman's Mayonaise all over his naked chest after unbuttoning his pants post-meal.
Donovan McNabb ... didn't know Thanksgiving was only celebrated in the United States
Plaxico Burress ... is going to be nervous playing in shotgun and run 'n shoot formations. Yeah that's right; I said it.
David Vobora ... finished with five tackles at middle linebacker against the Dolphins Sunday. As the NFL's reigning Mr. Irrelevant, he's largely relevant to the Rams, even though the Rams lead the league in "no one gives a sh*t". Seriously, they're not as awful as the Lions and Bengals and don't draft nearly as bad as the two, but still suck beyond belief. Might as well strive for imperfection next season if you aren't going to entertain any playoff notions.
Mark Clayton ... is the first player in seven years to catch and throw touchdowns of at least 30 yards. And he's the first player ever to catch and throw touchdowns of at least 30 yards with the name of a former Dolphins wide receiver, per ISTL Stats, LLC.