As we'll note throughout the Circus, it was a bit of a tough week on sideline reporters. Whether they were getting way too personal with their information, screwing up their rehearsed coach-speak or forgetting that certain people are dead, they've had a rough go of it the last few days.

And hey, no one said it was easy being a sideline reporter. After all, they're logging upwards of 2 minutes of camera time during a broadcast and asking hard hitting questions that no one - including the person being interviewed - cares to hear the answer to.

Not exactly a free paycheck.

The audience may think it's all fun and games roaming the sidelines and will gladly chuckle at the occasional mistake, but we blissfully ignore the difficult part of the gig. We're guessing that at your job the chances of being berated by a legendary albeit cranky old football coach are relatively slim.





Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth

"I think (the Giants and Steelers) are stepping up in class, in facing each other in this game." - Dick Stockton

Given that both teams each faced 5-1 teams, we'd say that's a safe assumption.
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"It's almost as though the Phillies can't drive in a run unless they drive in themselves." - Tim McCarver

If there's one thing that we can count on from McCarver each October it's him taking a simple point, trying to weave it into some intellectual prose and ultimately sounding like...well, Tim McCarver.
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"I love listening to Tim McCarver. He's the best." - Terry Bradshaw

Funny thing is, we're 100% certain Terry Bradshaw is 100% certain of his assessment.
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"Maybe the NFC East kind of reestablishing its dominance today." - Curt Menefee

Yes, a sluggish Cowboys win over the Bucs and the Redskins surviving the Lions definitely confirms the NFC East is in fact the NFL equivalent of the 82nd Airborne.
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"The World Series on Fox is sponsored by Bud Light. The difference is Drinkability." - Joe Buck

We don't think Joe or anyone else can explain what drinkability is. Wait; George Clooney wants to remind everyone:

“What is drinkability? It’s smoothness, a taste, and a drinkability only found in Budweiser.”

Did this drinkability jump out of the Budweiser bottle into the Bud Light? Can two beers have drinkability? And how exactly can you define a word by using said word in the actual definition?
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"The big question now, who has more power: you or Joe Blanton?" - Ken Rosenthal to Ryan Howard

It's an unwritten rule in the mainstream media: when PitcherX hits a home run or drives in a couple of runs, mainstream media makes the hilarious joke that maybe PitcherX should be hitting every game. See, because he's a pitcher and pitchers don't normally hit well.
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"The Rays have a motto and basically it is, 'We live in the moment, we don't worry about tomorrow.' If they don't take care of Game 5, there won't be a tomorrow." - Jeannie Zelasko

Immediately after this comment, Zelasko let down her hair and impersonated Avril Lavigne.
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"Our formula is this: we go out and we hit people in the mouth, number one. We are not a charity, we cannot give them the game." – Mike Singletary

Uh, Mike. One of your players hit someone in the mouth on Sunday and you sent him to the showers during the game. Just saying.

Good Lord, can we get an editor please?

As part of an epic close to the 2006 end of the year Media Circus Craptacular, Peter King and Peter Gammons shattered the berrier between news and unecessary details. Gammons reported that Roger Clemens rubbed Icy Hot on his rocket junk while Peter King recanted personal colonoscopy tales. This year, it looks like Fox's Ken Rosenthal is the front runner for divulging the most grotesque information via a sideline report.

"(Jamie) Moyer had a severe stomach virus. Friday night, on the eve of his first World Series start, it was a really rough night for him. Not only did he have that stomach problem, he was sweating profusely. His wife Karen told me, 'it was so bad, I had to change the sheets twice. He ruined two pillows. Our comforter is at the claners.'"

Thanks Ken. Much appreciated.

Someone get Pam Oliver some flash cards

The NFL on Fox has a noteable sideline reporter in their own right, though we can neither confirm nor deny her history for divulging colonoscopy or vomit stories. We can confirm that Pam Oliver had a bit of a slip-up this past Sunday during the Giants/Steelers broadcast. Perhaps you have memory issues, Pam?

"Tom Coughlin just sort of shook his head about his offense's inability to come away with touchdowns in what he likes to call the Green Zone. He says execution, recognizing the protection faster, and also, um, what was the final thing... sorry ... um ... ... ... I forgot. I have to get back with you ... Good lord."

Naturally, Dick Stockon sympathized with Oliver's mess-up:

"That's okay. You gave us good information up to that point."

Enter Troy Aikman to replace awkwardness with some blunt insight:

"They call that a senior moment."

"She's not old enough to be a senior." - Stockton

"She's well on her way." - Aikman

That's good stuff, Troy. Start aiming the blunt analysis at Stockton and you might have your own sitcom down the road.

Seriously, Fox, Your Sideline Reporters Are Struggling

Yeah, Rosenthal might have given us a little too much detail about Jamie Moyer's sweaty night and Pam Oliver might have forgotten some of Tom Coughlin's words of wisdom but at least they didn't forget that a prominent football icon was deceased.

Danielle Sargent did.

Allow us to give the transcript of Danielle's gaffe on Fox while interviewing new 49ers coach Mike Singletary...

"I heard that your mentor Bill Walsh was one of the first phone calls you made when you found out that you had the job..."

Um. Danielle, Bill Walsh is dead.

And with that, welcome to the blogosphere. You'll be playing a prominent role in it this week.

Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line

With fluctuating levels on the National Media Snap Exchange (NMSE) and uncertainty overtaking sports-fan confidence, the odds of getting multiple snappers from a single source aren't very good -- especially quality snappers. Chris Myers is apparently the exception to the rule. His postgame coverage of the World Series has been nothing short of remarkable, according to The Bobber.

It started with some good old fashioned word-play following Game 1:

“Tropicana Field bears fruit for the Phillies.”

Myers followed up Game 3 with a sample of cross promotion that would make ESPN jealous:

“The Phillies on the fringe of breaking the game open … Fringe, a good show on Fox … instead they win a tight one.”

And more of the same following Game 4:

"The Phillies undefeated in the postseason in their house ... great show on Fox, by the way, House ... and (they've) got Cole Hamels tomorrow night."

Myers capped off the spree by interviewing the hero of Game 4, Joe Blanton. Since Heroes airs on NBC, he avoided the cross-promotion route and took a risky u-turn; he dropped some current events on us:

"Forget Joe the Plumber, it's Joe the Pitcher tonight -- or Joe the Hitter!"

Chris, Joe the Plumber is so two weeks ago. Even so, the Carpster loves the diverse palet and gives a unanimous seal of approval. Two thumbs up from Robert C.

The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them at info@joesportsfan.com.