 We're going to go out on a limb and assume that being this year’s version of Bobby Petrino isn’t exactly something many NFL head coaches strive for.
Last year, 13 games into a five-year contract that he had signed prior to the season, the former Falcons head coach jumped ship and became the only person to start but not finish the season as an NFL head coach.
Let’s just say this – had Maverick been as aggressive with the ejector seat as Petrino was, Goose may still be with us today.
While Petrino technically quit as opposed to being fired, it’s safe to say that there are no coaches who are anxious to assume his title as the latest coach who didn't make it through the full season.
The NFL isn’t a league that frequently produces mid-season coaching changes. There are only 16 games in the season and pulling the plug on a head coach means drastic changes that don’t typically result in the same reinvigorated play that is often seen in other sports.
In Major League Baseball, Brewers Manager Ned Yost was kicked the curb in the thick of a pennant race with 12 games left in the season as a means to jump start his struggling team. A similar scenario is not happening in the NFL anytime soon.
As rare as it may be to see an NFL coach canned or driven to resignation during the season, there are an inordinate number of coaches in 2008 that are sweating it just two weeks into the schedule. By our count there are six who are legitimate candidates to resign or be fired meaning that, with only 12% of the season gone, you can realistically say that 18% of the league’s coaches are scraping and clawing to save their jobs.
Oh they’ll stand up at the podium, play the “I don’t worry about what I can’t control” card and pretend they’re not freaking out about receiving the inevitable phone call to meet in the GM’s office, but their actions speak louder than their press conferences.
With so many on the hot seat, it seems inevitable that at least one or two will be instructed by their superiors to pound sand before the end of the regular season.
So who will be the first one to go? Let’s take a look at each one’s resume in no particular order:
 Romeo Crennel – Cleveland Browns
2008 Record: 0-2
Overall Record as Head Coach: 20-30 .400
Accomplishments:
-Managed to go from the cusp of a playoff berth to the hot seat in just two weeks.
-His team played so poorly against the Steelers in Week 2 that he could only muster up praise for his punter.
-Remains winless as head coach against the rival Steelers.
-Went into the 2007 season convinced that Charlie Frye was his best Quarterback
-In just over three seasons has already earned a fan website dedicated solely to dismissal
-May or may not eat human appendages during press conferences.
Likely Outcome: As bad as the in-game clock management has been and with a potential quarterback controversy looming if Derek Anderson continues to struggle with Brady Quinn waiting in the wings, one has to assume that the Browns will at least work their way back to respectability and Romeo’s job will be safe until the offseason. If they don't, there will be a large vacancy to fill on Cleveland's sidelines....really large.
 Herm Edwards – Kansas City Chiefs
2008 Record: 0-2
Overall Record as Head Coach: 13-21 .384
Accomplishments:
-Will likely preside over the first non-sellout at Arrowhead Stadium since 1989. And getting people like this disenchanted enough not to fill Arrowhead is a true accomplishment.
-Is approaching his one year anniversary of the last game he won as head coach (October 21, 2007)
-Just committed to turn the starting Quarterback position over to someone named Tyler Thigpen due to Brodie Croyle’s injury.
-Actually thought Brodie Croyle was worthy of a starting Quarterback spot in the NFL.
-Managed to once again piss off his primary offensive weapon in Larry Johnson. Although Larry Johnson presumably has a quota of people he needs to get pissed at every day.
-Also has a website dedicated to his dismissal and this one sells merchandise too
Likely Outcome: The Chiefs will continue to be the most boring team in the league to watch until he is fired.
 Scott Linehan – St. Louis Rams
2008 Record: 0-2
Overall Record as Head Coach: 11-23 .323
Accomplishments:
-Has won just 7 of his last 29 games
-Currently has the worst defense in the NFL
-Currently has the worst offense in the NFL
-Being threatened by an owner named “Chip”
-Admitting to the press that he is “scared to death to lose”
-Got rid of career Ram Isaac Bruce to create playing time for Drew Bennett
-Has both major columnists in the city calling for his head
-Successfully pulled off a side-spike in the 21st century
Likely Outcome: Should the Rams lose the next two games – at Seattle and vs. Buffalo – he won’t see the other side of the Bye Week. Chip Rosenbloom does not play around.
 Lane Kiffen – Oakland Raiders
2008 Record: 1-1
Overall Record as Head Coach: 5-13 .277
Accomplishments:
-Has already lasted two games longer than Art Shell did in his second stint as Raiders head coach.
-Actually goes into work each day knowing that this monster is just waiting for him to slip up
-Became enough of a lame duck to warrant BetUS.com posting odds not on if he would be fired, but rather in what week he would be fired (FYI - Week 5 was the favorite at 2-1)
-Has been linked to the Syracuse head coaching position while he’s still employed in Oakland
Likely Outcome: Frankly we find it hard to believe that Al Davis can remember simple things like where he set down his breakfast whiskey-on-the-rocks, much less remember his original interview with Lane Kiffin over a year ago. But nonetheless, he has publicly stated that he doesn’t think Kiffin is the same guy who he originally hired and, as a result, one has to assume that it’s a foregone conclusion that Kiffin will get the boot at some point this season. They managed to squeak out a win over the Chiefs last week making it difficult for Davis to pull the trigger, but unless Al just flat out forgets that he was going to fire Kiffin, he’s likely gone this year.
 Marvin Lewis – Cincinnati Bengals
2008 Record: 0-2
Overall Record as Head Coach: 42-38 .525
Accomplishments:
-Presided over a team that may soon require its own special division within the Cincinnati Police Department
-Convinced himself that it was a reasonable move to bring back hoodlum wide receiver Chris Henry
-Has somehow managed not to punch Chad Ocho Cinco in the face
-Notched losses to teams led by Kerry Collins and Joe Flacco in 2008
-Has turned Carson Palmer into a Quarterback with a worse passer rating than Tarvaris Jackson
Likely Outcome: If ever there were a coach that might take the Petrino route by throwing on his life jacket and hopping off the sinking ship, it would probably be Lewis. His team seems disinterested and so does he. Despite a winning record in Cincinnati, things have turned sour with the team heading downhill since their peak of 11-5 in 2005. If they keep tacking on losses, look for Lewis to bail out and turn the asylum over to the inmates.
 Rod Marinelli – Detroit Lions
Current Record: 0-2
Overall Record as Head Coach: 10-24 .294
Accomplishments:
-Has the Detroit Lions well on their way to their 8th consecutive losing season in a league that supposedly promotes parity (although this is only his 3rd year as coach).
-Drove fiercely religious quarterback Jon Kitna to a public meltdown on the sidelines in Week 1
-Has been accused of nepotism by fans and media for his continued support of defensive coordinator Joe Barry – his son-in-law – despite the defense ranking second to last this season in yards per game. Of course, this is a slight improvement over last year’s performance where the defense ranked dead last. Give Barry a few more years and he’ll have them in the top 30.
-Had the media calling for his head after one week.
Likely Outcome: Honest to God, with Matt Millen calling the shots, who the hell knows? On one hand, Millen is the type of guy who seems like he’ll do whatever he can to scapegoat the coach or coordinators rather than own up to the fact that he’s horrible at his job. On the other hand, he’s so horrible at his job that maybe he thinks Marinelli has this team on the cusp of a Super Bowl.
We’re betting he makes it through the year and both he and Millen bid Detroit adieu in the offseason.
There is a bright side to all this though. If anyone of these guys gets fired or resigns, judging from the sheer volume of crappy coaches, there should be plenty of job openings this summer. |