Escapability. Look up the word in Merriam Webster's dictionary and you won't find anything. That's because "esca
pability" isn't a real word. Just try telling that to the sports media. With college and pro football seasons in full swing, escapability has come to the forefront of our fan experience.
During Ohio State's battle with Ohio eleven days ago, color analyst Ray Bentley used the pseudo-word on five different occasions to describe Ohio quarterback Boo Jackson. (It would be completely justified if he used the word to describe Boo's hair)
Two days later, Ron Jaworski talked up the escapability of Vikings' quarterback Tarvaris Jackson.
Heading into the Colts' week 2 matchup against the Vikings, it was Jackson's running back who was awarded the term:
"Peterson's game blends power, speed and escapability, and demands maximum focus, execution and gang tackling from opposing defenses." - Indianapolis Star
Following Sunday's games, the unheralded quarterback of the 49ers fell into the escapability pocket:
"It easily could have been a double-digit sack total if O’Sullivan hadn’t avoided a few more by showing escapability and bouncing away from the grasp of Seattle defenders." - Scout.com
While escapability pales in comparison to Jay Bilas' "blowbyability" and most every other self-made word, the fact remains that the football media is showing great word creatability.
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"Two words to describe this (Missouri Tigers) offense: 'don't blink', or 'touchdown.'" - D'Marco Farr
D'Marco, "touchdown" isn't two ... you know what, screw it. It ain't worth it. This is the same man who thinks "Advil" is two words. D'Marco has counting problems.
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"This is why Dre Bly is talking about the Greatest Show on Turf. Look at all the wepaons (the Broncos have): Royal, Marshall, Scheffler. It's everywhere." - Michael Smith
That means Selvin Young is Marshall Faulk. Not sure we buy that, but Jay Cutler's wife better have a buzz cut.
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"I got to go with Buffalo (as the most surprising 2-0 team). I knew they'd be good, but just not 2-0." - Michael Smith
Because 2-0 is so much greater than "good".
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"Last week, (Donovan McNabb) was really stroking it against the Rams." - Ron Jaworski
"(McNabb) is just stroking that ball in there!" - Jaworski
Jaworski has really been stroking it with his mouth this year.
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"If they have an award for best looking player in his pregame tights in the league, that would be T.O." - Stuart Scott
Careful, Terrell; if Stu had two healthy eyes, he'd be smothering you like a defensive back.
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"(The Chargers) were a few plays from going to the Super Bowl. They were better than New England last year. And what happened, they're 0-2. They're in trouble." - Bill Plaschke
Whoa! The Chargers were better than the 16-0 turned 18-1 Patriots? That argument aside, this quote is going to be fun to revisit at the end of the season.
In case you forgot, Cutler=Elway
"I finally have another John Elway. I'm going to change the face of this franchise" - Cris Carter describing the perspective of Mike Shanahan
"This is the offense that John Elway ran." - Tom Jackson
(Uh, Tom, it's also the offense that Jake Plummer and Brian Griese ran. Bubby Brister too.)
"Eddie Royal caught the game-winning touchdown and two-point conversion late in the fourth quarter, as Jay Cutler engineered a John Elway-esque fourth-quarter drive to lead the Denver Broncos in a thrilling 39-38 victory over the San Diego Chargers." - The Sports Network
"Cutler obviously is a major talent, but he's showing signs that he has "it," too. "It" being loosely defined as something John Elway had, but Brian Griese and Jake Plummer didn't." - Jim Armstrong, Denver Post
"Cutler's bobbled pass attempt was eerily similar to John Elway's late-game flubber near the goal line against the Chargers in Denver's 1994 home opener ... Know what else happened in that '94 Chargers-Broncos game that was similar to Sunday's contest? Like Cutler, Elway threw an interception at San Diego's goal line." - Sam Adams, Rocky Mountain News
You know what else happened in that '94 Chargers-Broncos game that was similar to Sunday's contest? Like Elway, Cutler wore a helmet.
All hail the talented Mr. Roto
"Matthew Berry -- The Talented Mr. Roto -- is a four-time Fantasy Sports Writer Association award winner and one of only two columnist in the industry to have been nominated in three contest categories, (Fantasy Football, Baseball and Basketball). He is ESPN's Senior Director of Fantasy." - ESPN.com
We have no idea who votes for such awards, nor can we fathom who the other columnist is who is as decorated as Matthew. Regardless, we decided to put Barry and his fantasy cabinet to the test. Prior to Monday night's Eagles/Cowboys game, the ESPN bottom line scrolled fantasy projections for the marquee skill players.
As it turns out, many of the projections were accurate.
Donovan McNabb
Fantasy Projection: 23/43, 273 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT
Reality: 25/37, 281 yards, 1 TD
Brian Westbrook
Fantasy Projection: 18 rush, 86 yards, TD
Reality: 18 rush, 58 yards, 2 TD
DeSean Jackson
Fantasy Projection: 5 receptions, 94 yards, TD
Reality: 6 receptions, 110 yards, 0 TD
Tony Romo
Fantasy Projection: 22/32, 269 yards, 3 TD
Reality: 21/30, 312 yards, 3 TD
Marion Barber
Fantasy Projection: 13 rushes, 45 yards, TD; 3 receptions 18 yards, TD
Reality: 18 rushes, 63 yards, TD; 4 receptions 51 yards, TD
Terrell Owens
Fantasy Projection: 5 receptions, 85 yards, TD
Reality: 3 receptions, 89 yards, 2 TD
The fantasy projection also pegged Hank Baskett for four catches and 60 yards, but the jerk only came through with two catches for 10 yards.
What does all this prove? Absolutely nothing - other than to say the people who document the people who have too much time on their hands, have even more time on their hands.
We Finally Have a Voice, People
Like Dennis Miller and that other guy who tried it on Comedy Central before him, Matt Iseman is being given the task of trying to create a successful sports comedy show. This time it will be on Versus (like Miller’s was) and it will be a spinoff of the popular E! series “The Soup”.
According to the release from Variety.com, “Sports Soup” will debut October 10 and run twice a week with comedian Iseman as the primary host. But even more importantly, those of us whose opinions have been shackled for so long will finally have a beacon of hope standing before us in the form of Iseman, who previously hosted a show on the Style Network…
" 'Sports Soup' will offer viewers an undistorted glimpse into sports," said Marc Fein, exec VP of programming production and business operations at Versus. "It's our way of providing a voice to sports fans as the show will say what we are all thinking but no one is actually saying."
No one is saying it? Apparently Mr. Fein isn’t a big JSF reader. Sellout.
While we assume the show will probably tank like its predecessors, we do commend Versus for at least taking a shot at something a little different. It’s clear that they’re not going to compete with ESPN or Fox Sports via traditional sports programming or Sportscenter knock-offs, so it’s encouraging to see them at least recognizing the value in celebrating the absurdity of sports.
We’d love to review the show for you on October 11, but we’re pretty sure we don’t get Versus.
Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
If there’s ever been a reliable vehicle for snappy lines, it’s been the homemade sign at a sporting event. You’ve got limited room to work with so the snappiness is an easy way to increase your chances of being on camera for three seconds. When he was in St. Louis, Bob Carpenter got to see “Sign Man”, a middle aged guy who spends every moment he’s at the ballpark trying to get on TV via his hand painted snappy signs. That’s the way Bob thinks it should be.
But nowadays things are changing. This College Gameday show on ESPN gives college kids a perfect outlet to show that the idea of snappiness isn’t lost on America’s youth. As demonstrated this week from Gameday set in front of the LA Coliseum, they aren’t taking advantage of the opportunity.
Take these signs that were prominently displayed on Saturday morning:
“Pete Carroll Buys Ray Maualuga’s Underwear”
“Lou Holtz clubs baby seals”
“Coach Tressel, the 80’s called, they want their sweater vest back”
Not a snapper amongst them. Needless to say, the Mr. C is a bit disenchanted when it comes to the future of the snappy line. Let’s step up our game, kids.