When the NFL season commences, the sports media cranks up the volume. Perhaps it's their way of combatting the excessive promotion of the NFL hype machine, or maybe the gang really believes their own stupidity. Whatever the case, it's a guarantee at this point that Steve Phillips, Joe Morgan and the rest of the non-football media have nothing on these brash clowns. Even when only four quarters have transpired for each team, some of the pundits and talking heads are able to draw definitive conclusions. It's pretty impressive. (And yes, we mentioned Steve Phillips solely to implement the mock GM press conference picture.)
Read on and observe a cornucopia of silliness, brazen overreactions and full-blown absurdity.
Crap that actually came from somebody's mouth
"With the exception of two big plays, the Rams defense has played well."- Rams radio announcer Steve Savard, just before Philly went up 14-0
Keep in mind, this comment was made during the midst of the second consecutive 80+ yard drive for Philly. The defense played so well they nearly allowed 600 yards of total offense. With the exception of those 5 plays over 25 yards, the d was sharp.
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"A ligament can be partially torn or completely torn and that could be the difference between rehab and season ending surgery."- Stephania Bell, ESPN "Injury Expert"
Thank God ESPN has Stephania on the payroll to give expert insight like that.
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"We just lost the face of the NFL and the best player in the National Football League and they need to do something so these hits to the quarterback's legs go away."- Trent Dilfer
If Dilfer had his wish, quarterbacks would have an electric fence in a three foot bubble surrounding the pocket.
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"He did a terrific job there of anticipating the opening and stuck it in!"- Ron Jaworski
Always good to when the quarterback sticks it in the opening.
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"We're going to make (Ron Jaworski) the new (John) Madden."- ESPN executive Jay Rothman, via USA Today
Of course the WorldWide Leader can't leave well enough alone and let Jaws be himself. God knows we need more people for Frank Caliendo to impersonate.
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“Let me tell you, watching this kid out here (Chris Long), he has an unbelievable motor. I mean he never stops, he’s relentless.”– Tony Siragusa
Let the record show, despite being a white defensive lineman, Tony Siragusa never had a high motor.
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"It looks possible now -- likely, even -- that the Red Sox and Yankees will play their first meaningless games in a few centuries when they meet at Fenway for the last three games of the season." – Peter King
Centuries? As in hundreds of years and not one meaningless game? Contrary to the way the media would like to portray it, the Red Sox and Yankees haven't been dominant every single year in their histories. Stick to Favre-ball, King.
General Headscratchers
"(The Bears) have out-physicaled the Colts tonight." John Madden
"Watch (Robert Mathis) dip that right shoulder and put that left hand around and knock that ball out. That is a play." - John Madden
"Dallas Clark left in the first quarter with a right knee."- Trey Wingo
"Sometimes you have to cut your nose off to spite your face."
"He's turning (DeAngelo Hall) around like a yo-yo."- Mike Ditka, on Broncos wide receiver Eddie Royal
"(Kyle Vandenbosh) could be the defensive MVP at the end of the year based on what he did last year and what he's doing this year."- Merril Hoge
Yes, he'll be recognized for his performance last year and through one game in '08 for an '08 award which doesn't actually exist.
Favre that actually came from somebody's mouth
"Early 90s, we thought it was a fluke. Mid-90s we thought it was by chance. He's been doing it 17 years, this is Favre Magic."- Trent Dilfer
"Will Brett Favre watch the (Packers/Vikings) game tonight? How will he feel?"- Chris Berman
"Yes, he will definitely watch the game. He has plans to watch the game."- Chris Mortensen
"Well Mort, if you think he's watching then wave to him! Hi Brett!"- Chris Berman
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In a day predictably filled with Favre-love from the Bermans and Kings of the world, it was Tony Kornheiser who took home the highly coveted award of "media member who sounds like he wants to procreate with Brett" while announcing the Packers - Vikings Monday Night Home.
"You can imagine how much they loved him for so many years here."- Tony Kornheiser
"That's a Favre-like throw"- Kornheiser
"That is exactly the kind of pass that Brett Favre would have thrown. And look at the way the crowd responds right now. It's Aaron Rodgers and he's wakened the echos of number four with a play like that."- Favreheiser
“You talk about 1st and 33 and I know its going to sound like I’m belaboring the point but people who sit in the stands and people who watched the Packers for years and years think “that’s when the magic happens with Brett Favre”. 1st and 33 he comes up with a 35 yard play.”– Kornheiser
Even Kornheiser's partner had enough and finally tried to put an end to it all...
"You gotta let it go, Tony"- Ron Jaworski
Week 1 Overreactions
When it comes to the annual ritual of overreactions based on the first weekend of football, nodoby brings the heat like Around the Horn. The first Monday after the NFL season kicks off is like a contest between the talking heads on ATH to see to see who can draw the most definitive conclusion based on the smallest of sample sizes. They didn't disappoint this year by aiming their venom at the Chargers and the Colts.
"(The Chargers) had a chance to make a major statement with the Brady situation, with a big game they could have said 'Hey, we're the favorites in the AFC.'"- Jay Mariotti
"(The Chargers) knew Brady was down, come on! They knew the door was open! This was a horrible loss for the Chargers!"
If the handful of ESPN analysts were calling the shots, the Chargers would just quit playing because they have no shot at accomplishing anything this season. How quickly they forget the same team was written off by the same media after they fell to 1-1 and 1-2in 2007. Granted, Shawne Merriman wasn't injured last year, but let's give it a couple of months before writing them off.
"I think this is going to have implications. You have to knock (the Colts) out of Super Bowl consideration." - JA Adande
"I think the window has closed on (the Colts). I think we saw the gradual end for this era for the Colts." - Bob Ryan
Mark it down, folks. After one week and one loss, the Colts and Chargers are done.
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Fortunately (or unfortunately depending on your viewpoint), the Around the Horn goons weren't the only ones who were rushing to judgment after one week of football...
"San Diego I'm concerned about. Last year Minnesota - Adrian Peterson - broke the rushing record against them. These two teams (Chargers and Panthers) are going in different directions." - Cris Carter
"The Colts start out at home, they lose. The Chargers start out at home, they lose. The Jags - everybody thinks they could be that Super Bowl sleeper in the AFC - they lose. All these heavy favorites in the AFC go down in Week 1. Have we seen a shift in the balance of power?"-Trey Wingo
"I'm not a knee-jerk reaction guy ... (seconds later) ... the balance of power has shifted."- Trent Dilfer
"(Tennessee has) been able to win with Vince Young. If Kerry Collins gets in there and with Chris Johnson and the way that defense plays, this team could win the Super Bowl. Not just be a Super Bowl contender... could win it!"- Merril Hoge
"Uh, make that a three-team race in the NFC North, and welcome back, Chicago. I never thought I'd say this, but maybe Kyle Orton is the answer." – Clark Judge
"The Patriots are done. Belichick might scrap and claw them to seven victories, and they'll talk the talk about how there's a lot of football left, but making the playoffs sounds like a stretch."– Pete Prisco
Imagine, all that could be determined from 6% of the NFL season. There's a reason us regular schmoe's don't get paid the big bucks, people.
- Shannon Sharpe, via USA Today - Bob Ryan Media Circus Retraction
Obviously we here at the Media Circus are very quick to point out when other people make mistakes but sometimes we make them too. And when we do, we're not too proud to point them out. Last week, we actually said that part of us was wondering what it would be like to hear the media react to Chad Ocho Cinco changing his name. After watching the Sports Reporters staple Mitch Albom address it, we now concede that we were wrong.
“If its that easy to change names, then we can do it too. For example, when Chad has a lousy game he can be Ocho Stinko, when he loses the ball in the sun he’s Ocho Blinko, when he bad mouths a teammate Ocho Finko, when he takes herbal supplements Ocho Ginko, goes to China Ocho Yao Minko. And lest the former Mr. Johnson gets upset that someone on TV is acting as foolish and non-serious about the start of football season as he is just remember, Chad, Ocho Winko.”
If this is the type of crap we have to look forward to, then we desperately hope Chad changes it back.
Bob Carpenter Memorial Snappy Line
As if the poetic prose of Mitch Albom wasn't enough to tickle the Bobber's fancy, Trey Wingo wanted throw a little extra icing on the cake when discussing the Chansi Stuckey's first career touchdown.
"This wasn't by chance, it was by Chansi Stuckey."
And with that, Robert C. closes the books on another fun, bombastic Week 1. Two solid thumbs up and a wink for Winko ... er, Wingo. (The preceding line was written by Bob Carpenter).
The Media Circus is written by Josh Bacott and Patrick Imig. They swear this stuff is real. Email them at info@joesportsfan.com.