David and I dated for about two years, prior to our marriage.

During this period, I would estimate that we had sex prolly 350-400 times.

I would guess that we had anal sex 10-15 times.

Further, I am gonna say that David maybe came in my mouth or face (blowjobs excluded) 10-15 times. I excluded blowjobs because if his dick is already in my mouth, I do not see the point of removing it just so I will have a mess to clean up a few seconds later. I am saying that he maybe took his penis from another orifice when he was ready to cum, and did so in my mouth or face instead…savvy?

Anyway, my point is that on a generous scale he orgasmed somewhere other than inside me or fucked my ass, about seven and a half percent of the time.

In contrast, I would say that one of these things happen now at least one out three times we have sex. Mix in the lunatic lesbo episodes and all the Nick stuff, and our sex life has become anything but ordinary. Longtime readers of this column will recall that I have mentioned several times how David is pretty tame sexually…or so I thought.

Last Monday was the one-year anniversary of our wedding. We actually celebrated the night before, and enjoyed a nice romantic dinner at our favorite restaurant. David had made the reservation in advance, and there were roses on the table when we arrived. We had wine with dinner, and then came home for quality alone time together. We made love…in bed. I was on bottom the entire time; no oral was exchanged, and no ESPN was on the television. David managed to withhold his orgasm until after I had mine, and then he orgasmed inside of me. He stayed inside me and atop me for several minutes afterwards, continuing to stroke slowly, sucking on my neck and telling me he loved me. We made love like normal people, with normal perversions and IQ’s.

I truly felt very special.

On Monday, which was our actual anniversary, David brought pizza and Nick home after work, and we all sat around and drank beer while they watched some guy with a bunch of tattoos hit home runs off a guy who had to be seventy years old. Is that really a challenge? If it is called a contest, why do they not hit off real pitchers?

Anyway, when the beer was gone, Nick left and David and I went to bed kinda early. I was hoping for a replay of the night before. I quickly showered, and brushed my teeth when I got out. David was already in bed, and now he was watching the wrestling thing on television. He did not immediately kick into the mode from the previous night, so I took matters into my own hands…err, I guess into my own mouth would be more accurate. I watched David’s face as I fellated him, and it was not until the wrestling show went to a commercial that I fully had his attention. Then he began to act as if he wanted to finish this session quickly with nothing more than a blowjob. I was not interested in this unhappy ending. Instead, I ceased my oral efforts and climbed atop him to guarantee my orgasm. I accomplished this in prolly ten minutes or so, and then rolled off him to my side of the bed. David moved over and between my legs, lifting and spreading them as he did. He fucked me for only a minute, and then pulled out of my vajayjay and began to rub his dick against my sphincter, and then forced it inside me quite suddenly. This penetration was not totally unexpected; however, it was sudden, so I flinched. If any of you lost any money on that, I apologize. David fucked my ass for several minutes, and then pulled out and moved towards my face; finishing there and on my chest along the way. I did not open my mouth just in case he had any thoughts of his penis winding up there afterwards. David walked to the bathroom; I presume to wash his penis…whatever. When he returned I got out of bed and showered again. When I came back to bed, SportsCenter was on. I got into bed and turned my back to him, pulling the covers up and nearly over my head.

I talked to Janet (co-worker) the next day about my anniversary evening. Janet is in her forties and has been married for a long time. She sympathized with me; however, she was quick to remind me that David and I are blessed with a wonderful sex life. She went on to assure me that young men often take their wives for granted, ignore their wives emotions, and have a difficult time separating lovemaking from sex.

I kinda got the impression Janet did not think I had such a big problem, or that my husband was any more perverted than the next guy. She suggested that most men gain respect for their wives as the marriage progresses. She said that to David, the date involved; which seemed important to me, did not have an impact on David’s actions. Especially since, he had just done the whole romantic thing the night before. Janet told me to embrace the roses, and be thankful I was able to avoid him sticking his dick in my mouth after the anal sex.

I like talking to Janet.

I Googled first wedding anniversaries to see what was a proper distinction. It turns out paper is the traditional gift which is exchanged between couples. Paper roses are popular.

I got real roses and anal sex.

Perhaps anal sex will become our tradition…I suppose I am okay with that.