Before I sat down to write this article, I did a Google image search for Sarah Palin. I usually smile when someone takes my picture, but mother of ass, does this bitch ever not smile? Is that fucking thing surgically implanted on her face?

So, I am watching this Vice-Presidential debate last week, and I am thinking this Sarah Palin looks pretty good to me.

When I say she looks pretty good to me, I mean she looks pretty good physically. I would not vote for her if she was running for license collector or dogcatcher…but she looks pretty good for a fifty-something year-old woman from Alaska.

Then I learned she was forty-four years old…hmmm. I guess forty-four years in an energy producing state takes its toll on you.

Regardless, this woman is approaching menopause, still cranking out offspring, and is perhaps unable to make sound decisions regarding whether or not to go to a local hospital in Texas when her water breaks, or to jump on a plane and embark on a four-hour flight, so the kid can be born in Alaska. This is assuming that this even happened and that she actually gave birth to the child in question.

I do not think I want her deciding any Congressional votes.

Anyway, I am watching this thing because I was genuinely interested in what she had to say, and because I truly love Joe Biden. As I watched Ms. Palin dodge question after question, and insert myriad unrelated talking points and non-truths into the mix of otherwise pertinent conversation, and smiling the entire fucking time, I began to wonder about her other smile…that’s right her other smile, her vertical smile. Yeah, I began to wonder about her pubic hair.

I wondered if that phony fucking smile ever leaves her face too, but mostly I wondered about her pubic hair.

See, here is the thing. She is a rare breed in that she is an attractive woman involved in a major election, and she is an attractive woman who is an avid moose hunter. If I were to assume her pubic hair preferences based solely on her outward physical appearance, her position in society, her age, and her obvious attention to detail regarding her wardrobe, makeup, and accessories…I would think she sports a cooter coiffure of the landing strip variety. However, when you throw in that moose-hunting thing, I wonder if maybe she has a winter bush rats nest thing going on down there.

Then I consider that she is a conservative from an energy producing state, and figure her for maybe a nicely manicured, and closely shorn pube-do, suitable for a bikini, and in case she is required to be in another Eskimo beauty pageant after she crashes and burns in this Vice-Presidential thing.

I am going with that.

I watched this debate with the hope that maybe; just maybe I had underestimated Sarah Palin. Being a woman, I wanted to like her…I wanted to admire her…I wanted to write a much different article than the one I am writing. Sarah Palin neither said nor did anything in this debate to positively influence me.

I guess I can admire her for having the courage to even position herself in the arena she has chosen. I mean, she had to know her contraception-challenged daughter was gonna be a problem for her, but shame on her for then parading her Down Syndrome newborn (Trig, by the way) in front of the press, and then pimping her oldest son (Track) and his apparent involvement in the Iraq war.

Trig, Track, Piper, Bristol, and Willow…there is no fucking way I want someone who shows this kind of judgment while picking out something as simple as names for her kids, to be entrusted with a decision that might somehow affect my life.

And what the fuck is the deal with Republicans and the word “nuclear'?

Is there a memo to which they all must adhere regarding the phonetically and grammatically incorrect pronunciation of this word?

I can only assume that George H. Bush mispronounced this once, and with typical Bush arrogance insisted that everyone else pronounces it wrong. In typical Bush ignorance, George W. Bush came along and followed suit, furthering the apparent condescending insistence that we are all wrong.

Here is some advice to both Sarah Palin and her boss…if you wanna separate yourselves from the Bush regime, do not say “nuculer”; it is a dead giveaway that you are drinking the same Kool-Aid.

So anyway, I posted a poll on my little forum asking for public input and opinion about Sarah Palin’s pubic preference. Seventy-five percent of those offering an opinion said she has either a landing strip, or a closely manicured pube patch.

I can see her lying in an elite Alaskan spa, talking on her cell phone and ordering Exxon to clean up their act, so as not to dirty up her energy producing state, while she has a bikini wax of some sort.

Of course, she would have that fucking smile on her face the entire time.

Say it ain’t so, Sarah.