Can you be friends with an ex? 

This question sucks...especially after examining the rise and fall of my most recent relationship. 

To paint a vague picture of how it all began, my my ex and I met almost two years ago at work.  He stayed mostly to himself, did his job and left immediately afterward.  For months, no one had any idea who he was or what he was like, and it seemed it would stay that way. 

Eventually, I guess it became apparent that he needed to get to know his co-workers, and so our friendship began.  I gravitated toward him because of his interest in music and his sense of humor, and eventually I just really enjoyed being around him.  He was different than most of my friends, and my friendship with him satisfied holes that the others were lacking.    

We spent a lot of time together, non-work related, and talked almost daily in some capacity.  Even so, we never crossed that line.  I remember taking a trip to LA for a week to see friends and to visit another guy I was interested in when it all hit me.   I was doing all this awesome shit in California, yet for whatever reason, he kept popping into my mind.  I knew that, for me anyway, things had moved beyond just friendship.

Upon my return, we went out that Monday night, went back to his place and officially blew past that line we were so careful not to cross.  There was no going back, so we moved forward.  I was ready to see what else was there and wasn't all that concerned with messing up with whatever friendship we had formed by that time because it was still relatively new.  So he went from my friend, to more than a friend, to my boyfriend.  And eventually, to my best friend. Throughout our relationship, it became apparent that we had become such good friends, that we may have lost anything beyond that.  

Now, I am in that post-relationship position where you have no clue what is going on or how to sift through what is left to salvage some sort of relationship, without tearing each other apart or never speaking again.  So I decided this weekend that I am going to move out of our apartment, for inherent fear of the latter.  I was hoping that somehow we could be that couple that manages to seamlessly move from lovers to friends, keep living under the same roof and everything would continue to function as it should.  But I would be naive to think that at some point, one or both of us isn't going to do or say something that would leave us in resentment. 

Needless to say, things are definitely strained, and I wonder if things will ever go back to normal.  I would like to know that, eventually, I'll have my friendship with him, without all of the confusion and mess that comes after a break-up.  Knowing how often that happens (or doesn't), it's hard to be optimistic about it.

I was thinking about all of this today when an old ex-boyfriend called.  He asked about everything, including my current situation.  We talked for about 20 minutes, and when I hung up, I immediately felt better.  We were together for about five years, and while it may not have happened immediately, we now have a much better relationship than we ever had while dating. 

So to answer my own question, I know that it's quite possible to remain friends with an ex.  But not without a little breathing room first.