We have all been there.  You go out with the guys for an early night and next thing you know you are closing down the bar.  And since they don’t sell t-shirts there you decide to take home a different kind of souvenir.  You wake up the next morning with an ugly case of coyote arm and the odd feeling that a stray cat came by and crapped in your mouth while you were sleeping.  As soon as you can find your pants you take the walk of shame and try to make it into work before anyone notices your absence.  For the next two days you get to relive the glory and put the pieces together of that evening through phone calls and emails with your friends, but it's really no big deal.  Life goes on.  It's no big deal unless you find out that you committed a C.E.M. (Career Ending Move) between shots of Jagermeister, like announcing to the media that you are retiring at age 38.

From this point on I have taken some artistic liberties but here is how I think it happened.

Annika makes that final putt for 66 on Sunday to finish the tournament at 19 under par and lap the field by 7 shots.  I am sure she did some form of a fist pump/crotch grab move and told the rest of the field to suck it.  Then the customary tradition started; her husband, caddy, agent and others rush her on the green to douse the Swede in Michelob Ultra.  At this point I am sure Annika was asking for the funnel but she had to do the whole trophy presentation thing so she controlled herself.

I assume later that night Annika was sitting by the fire wearing something made out of animal fur while working on Michelob Ultra number 14 when she had the great idea to call it quits.  Screw it, she said.  I want to get married and have babies, so I am just going to quit.  Then one of the lesbians that surround her said, “That would be awesome.  You should do it and that would show them that you are an untamed beast of a woman that cannot be controlled by a man, the system, or a razor.”

Tuesday morning comes around and I am thinking Annika is barely shaking off the bender she has been on since Sunday night and she decided to walk into a microphone.  She tells the room full of journalists that she is tired of the daily grind and will be retiring at the end of the season.  Not retiring from golf, or the golf scene, and maybe not all tournaments, but definitely retiring, but don’t use the word retirement, call it stepping away from the golf scene.  That answer was about as good as when the cop asked me last week how many beers I had had that night, I am sure it was only 4 or maybe 5 but I just finished one when I walked out the door that’s why the smell is so bad.  Sure.
 

Here is the deal: I don’t like the LPGA and don’t know a whole lot of guys that do but Annika is something special.  She ranks third in wins (72) and fourth in majors (10) and can still kick some ass out there.  Now the tour is going to be a two horse race if you include Paula Creamer but I will make the call now that if you put $100.00 on Lorena Ochoa to win every event for the rest of the season I would say you would be in the black at year's end.  And unless the commissioner changes the dress code to bikinis, it won't get my attention.

So the question is this: is Annika really going away?  Is the competive fire inside been extinguished or is she just flapping her gums?  Only time will tell, but my guess is that she pull out at least 2 more wins this year and shows up to play in 2009, but what do I know I picked Freddy Couples as a sleeper in the Masters, so take this for what it's worth.

In other news

I have awarded an unnamed Las Vegas man my “Dumbass of the Week” award for his attempts to elude the police.  The unknown man attempted to steal a parked car in one of Las Vegas ’ north suburbs.  The man was not aware that the vehicle was a “bait car” that was being monitored and controlled by the Las Vegas P.D.  The man tried to dodge the police by driving the car but when the police shut off the vehicle by remote he had to make his escape on foot.  His trek led him to Angel Park Golf Course where he stole a maintenance golf cart and started a Low Speed Chase from the golf course staff.  Words cannot really do this story justice so check out the youtube link.

 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wVF5YMYMDxM

It looks like Tiger’s knee is healing well and he could be back on tour as early as the Memorial (if you believe what you read).  Tiger gave a telephone press conference to promote the BMW Championship at Bellerive this September and told the press that rehab is going great and that he is sick and tired of riding the stationary bike.  The USA Today went with the headline, “Woods Hoping to Play Memorial at end of  May.”

Ed Sherman of the Chicago Tribune had this to say on the topic, “From hearing Woods talk, it doesn’t sound as if he will be ready to return by the Memorial at the end of the month.  His golf work has been limited to chipping and putting, making the June 12-15 U.S. Open at Torrey Pines a more realistic target date.”

And just to make sure that we have all opinions spoken for Jeremy Fowler of the Orlando Sentinel had these comments: “Tiger could have long-term problems with his recently injured left knee.  His hips turn through the swing so quickly that his knee sort of snaps aggressively.  His last swing change with Hank Haney was designed in part to alleviate leg and knee stress.  I’m no Haney, but from what I’m hearing, another swing tweak, even if minor, could be imminent.  We’re talking about repetition taking its toll over the years.”

So we have one vote for back in May, one for back in June, and one for he may not play well ever again.  My vote is that he comes back kicking ass and taking names.  Remember he is now “Bionic Tiger.”

It’s getting late and guys, I am tired of writing just as I am sure you are tired of reading my ramblings.  And if I have to watch this “Practice like a Pro” infomercial on the Golf Channel one more time I might just buy it.  I don’t know if you caught the news but good old McKernan has reached into his deep pockets and will be paying $50.00 to each Cart Girl of the Week.  If you know of anyone I need to talk to please let me know, it's about time we get some skin up on the site.  Don’t forget about the message boards, and hopefully we will be rocking next week.

Andy Rowe really likes email and you can send him some at Dr.Chipinski@hotmail.com.