I decided to do a little investigative journalism this week.  I’m sure that professionals like Elliot Davis, Jimmy “the Cat” Hayes, and especially Cleveland’s own Carl Monday would appreciate my efforts in this column.  I

So I put on my reporter trench coat and mustache, grabbed a boom mic and a sweaty camera guy, and it was time to get to the bottom of this all-important issue.

Four women were interviewed.  I know it’s hard to imagine, but bloggers like myself actually do have access to young, attractive women.  They are all Cardinal fans and live around the area.  Here’s a little info about each one:

Girl #1 is 26, single, has dark brown hair, and is from St. Charles.  Girl #2 is also 26, in a relationship, blonde, and claims to be from “elsewhere.”  Girl #3 is 25, single, has short brown, sassy hair, and barely admits she’s from Arnold (to her credit, she has been out of there and in St. Louis for eight years).  Finally Girl #4 is 29, happily married, has brown hair, and has spent some time on the IL and MO sides.  Ha – haven’t we all! 

Now let’s get to some serious journalism. wanted to solve a mystery that has puzzled men all around St. Louis for a few years now:  Why do females go nuts over Yadier Molina?  I’m not talking about at games or during playoff runs, but…like, always.  I’ve talked to other guys about this, and they all say the same thing – women, especially age 20-30 (I’m afraid to go younger…thanks Chris Hansen), have an unexplained attraction to Yadier Molina.

1) In a few sentences, give me your reasoning with this infatuation with Yadier Molina.
 
Girl #1: Let me make this clear: It's not a sexual attraction.  It's more of a bad-kid-done-right kind of thing.  More specifically, a stocky-homely-immigrant-done-right kind of thing.  This is America; we love that stuff.

Girl #2:  It has to do with power.  The thought that “If Yadi has the power to make grown men pee their pants just by looking at them with that oh so subtle ‘I dare yo ass to try and steal’ stare.  Then think about what his power could do when used for the pleasures of women.”  Power is hot.

Girl #3:  Yadi is all that is man.  When he guns someone down, from his knees no less, I get weak in my knees. 
 
Girl #4:  Let's not call it infatuation. Yadi has earned my affections by (1) playing arguably the most important position in baseball, (2) with his smokin' throw to second, and (3) by taking a lot of shit from play-by-play announcers, dumb-ass drunk guys in the stands, my husband, etc.  I tend to have an affinity for and fiercely defend the under-appreciated. 

2) Is this sentiment shared among your female friends?

Girl #2:  Even the lesbian ones.

Girl #3:  Yep.  I had one friend that was a Spanish teacher and she had a picture of Yadi up in her classroom all last year that said "Mi Novio" (My boyfriend).
 
3) How does he rank among other Cardinals in your eyes, in terms of "I need some of that" (or however the less-aggressive female version of that saying goes)?  If not #1 which players do you rank ahead of him?
 
Girl #1:  Oh, he's near the end of the list, coming in just above Brad Thompson.  I'm more of a Jason LaRue kind of girl.  Gross, but true.  You can't possibly be more disgusted with me than I am with myself.

Girl #3: I would have to say that Yadi is a strong third behind Ankiel (my crush dates back all the way to 2000 - with the pulled up socks and the wild pitches) and of course Pujols.

Girl #4: Yeah, I don't need some of that. I don't really need some of any of them -- it's not really my thing to lust after people I don't know. (For the record, I guess I'd better make that: it's not really my thing to lust after people who are not my husband.) But Chris Carpenter is pretty dreamy. It's the eyes. And Adam Wainwright.
 
I'd want to give Yadi a hug if the opportunity presented itself, but that's about it.

4) If he were just some guy you worked with, would he be (a) a work husband, (b) a potential office fling, (c) the future father of your children, or (d) just a rotund Puerto Rican with whom you have little/no interaction? 

Girl #1:  Hmm…does he still associate with Albert Pujols in this scenario?  I'd like to say (a), but it's probably (d).

Girl #2: I think that would depend on his treatment of the copy machine.  Would he give the copy machine the stare?  Would it feel the power of the Yadi?  And is there a copy room in the scenario?  Copy machines are hot.  So I guess my answer is B.

Girl #3:  Honestly, it is his ability to play baseball that attracts me to him.  The way he fits in that uniform and epitomizes all that is baseball - physicality, determination, strength, integrity.  I don't think it would be nearly as appealing stuffed into khakis and a button down shirt.

Follow up (all the greats have follow up questions): How much does the uniform/salary/catcher's gear/dirt/sweat factor in to your thoughts on Yadi?

Girl #1:  He gets bonus points for all of the above.  I definitely love Yadi the baseball player, not Yadi the regular guy.

Girl #2:  Uniform – not so much.  Catcher’s gear – hell yeah!  Dirt/sweat – yes please.
 
Girl #4:  Wow, salary – really? Ouch. I'm starting to think we need to have a broader conversation about women and infatuation. Or maybe I am more hopeful about most (admittedly not all) women than you've come to find is actually warranted. If this is the case, I apologize from my sex to yours.

5) Any closing thoughts?  Or are you too hot and bothered now to answer any more questions?
 
Girl #1:  If you want solid reasons for my love, I can give you a few:  His name is fun to say, even more fun to yell at Cards games.  He calls a good game, has a good arm, and often comes through in the clutch at the plate.  He settles pitchers with a few words and a firm smack on the ass.  And he performs intricate celebratory handshakes with Albert.

Girl #2:  Tip for all men out there:  If one could find a way to duplicate the stare of “I am all that is man,” it could get you far in picking up slutty women.  I feel that the power of the Yadi has to do with hot, raw animal sex and that is it.

Girl #3:  Yadi is so damn sexy because he's always in control.  He's always there, waiting, watching, protecting his pitcher, encouraging, doing whatever it takes to get the job done (just a little slower if he's required to run).
 
Girl #4:  I had the opportunity to meet Yadi at a signing at Toys R Us once. I skipped it due to my severe hatred of Toys R Us. And I regret it to this day.

So there you have it, guys.  I hope this helps you understand women a little more when it comes to Yadier Molina.  I guess I don’t blame them too much.  I’m sure if I saw Molina out in public, I’d immediately think about the Game 7 home run in ‘06, and jump into his arms, letting him carry me away into the sunset.  Oops, buy him a beer, that’s what I meant.  Dammit.

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