What an All-Star game! I watched every pitch of the 15 inning, 5 hour marathon of a midsummer classic and it lived up to the moniker. It was a CLASSIC in every sense of the term. In the same unorthodox and unconventional vein as the game itself, here are some observations I noted while watching the game…
How bad does George Steinbrenner look? That is a shame. I know of his numerous health problems but I didn’t know he looked like J.R. from WWE after he came down with Bells Palsy! Is that the Boss’s music…? (cite to Bill Simmons). And did you see the crumpled manila envelope where they stored the balls he was delivering to the Yankee greats? Was George Costanza in charge of that job?
Did you see Reggie Jackson try to upstage Yogi Berra as Berra needed to move within spitting distance to get the ball to home? Mr. October seemed to be above scooting up to where Berra could throw to home. Hey Reggie, he is freakin’ 83 years old. We know you can throw a ball 60 feet, have a little class.
This just in, Matt Holliday is good at baseball. Boy, his oppo bomb (that is short for opposite field homerun but my friends that played college baseball say it and it makes be feel like a ballplayer so I repeat it with great frequency) looked effortless and he has so much pop in his bat. But purple really isn’t his color, I think he would look better in...ummm…Cardinal Red?
I can’t confirm this, but I am fairly certain that J.D. Drew is, or is a close relative of, the Antichrist. He pimped his bible-beater image for so many years. However, if the movie Seven would have been made a decade later, the filmmakers could have just shown a still photo of Drew for 2 minutes to convey the deadly sin of greed and the audience would have been fairly satisfied with the portrayal. They could have also saved production costs and just used the same footage for sloth. And I knew he was going to hit that homerun Tuesday night. Man, I hate that guy. Thank the Lord that Jocketty made sure to get Schuerholz to put in Wainwright in that deal or we would have been saying Ray “Burger” King and Jason Marquis is what we got for this guy? Thank you Walt!
Dan Uggla had a worst night that you did. Whenever life gives you lemons, remind yourself that you were not Dan Uggla on July 15, 2008. Granted, he is a young, soon to be superstar and will be rich in the near future. But, I swear I don’t think this guy could have gotten laid at a New York club early Wednesday morning. I actually have a guy that taped this conversation between Ugtastic and some random “dead behind the eyes” skank at 4:00 a.m in a late-night club near Times Square.
Uggla: (wearing an incognito kit he borrowed from Bobby Valentine) Hey, can a buy you a drink?
Random 24 year old Hussy: Sure, you’re pretty cute, what’s your name?
Uggla: Jan Tuggla
Tramp: Wait, no it’s not, you’re Dan Uggla, aren’t you? You made three errors, struck out three times and grounded into a double play at the All-Star game. Didn’t you?
Uggla: Nope, that’s wasn’t me…I’m Jan Tuggla an insurance salesman from Idado…in town for the convention.
Trollop: Haha…3 errors in an All-Star game…Do you think if they didn’t have a second baseman for the last 9 innings, they would have been better off? Yeah, at least the automatic out wouldn’t have been a double play. How in the hell did J.D. Drew beat you out for A.L. MVP? I mean, they couldn’t have done it without you. Can I get a picture with you while those tears run down your face so I can show my friends? They aren’t going to believe this.
Uggla: (Curled up under the bar in the fetal position sucking his thumb while shivering violently)
How did Marmol replace Wood instead of Lohse on the NL squad? Are you serious? Marmol (2-3, 4.13 ERA, 3 saves) Kyle Lohse (3.39 E.R.A. 11-2) Was Hurdle aware that you don’t have to use a player from the same team as the injured player? This can be a confusing concept. But I am glad Marmol got the nod as there were not enough undeserving players wearing the baby bears uniform in New York already.
Have you ever seen a ball lose more velocity after a hop as Corey Hart’s wife’s throw from rightfield in the 15th? I mean, Amber Hart has a good arm relative to the Highland Softball J.V. team, but, this is the Major League All-Star game.
Despite all my sarcasm, this was a fantastic game and had more suspense than about the last 9 All-Star games combined. Pujols had two hits and Ludwick made a superb catch in left. Now it’s time to move away from exhibitions and see if the Cardinals can put together a strong effort out of the gate in the second half.