3rd place, have you met my friends, the St Louis Cardinals? Let me introduce you guys- something tells me you’ll be getting to know each other real good this summer…
Let’s get overdramatic. Who else thinks 07-06-08 was a turning point in the Cardinals 2008 season? And by ‘turning point’ I mean ‘was the 
moment this organization was bitch slapped into reality’. If the Scrubs coming into Busch and putting an Ike Turner on bat-less birds wasn’t enough to suck the joy out of your Roman Candle war then the headline “defending AL Cy Young winner C.C. Sabathia traded to the Brewers for pu pu platter of minor league slop” had to do it. Am I right?
This Mark Shapiro guy is really making a name for himself here in St. Louis, eh?..
A while back I told you about ‘The Streaker’. A young woman I met on a plane from San Diego that wanted to ‘streak’ a Cardinals game. You can read the whole story HERE. Friday, the 4th of July was the date she settled on. If you were at the game, you may have noticed someone in the general vicinity of Chris Duncan right about the top of the 8th inning. If you did- that was her. Turns out ever since I wrote an article- the premise of which was following Bill DeWitt around a gym I saw him working out at (Wellbridge in Clayton, in case you want to 
peep the pump in person) and then posted his routine complete with weights- the Cardinals monitor me. They were ready for ‘The Streak”. This girl was rebuffed entry to the game until she finally changed clothes and came back in the bottom of the 3rd inning. At this point she entered the field from the box seats in left, ready for a run to the Cardinals bullpen. She was to shed glorious amounts of clothes as she went. Instead her body was thrashed to the ground by an eager security guard and escorted off the field where the cops were madder at me for ‘encouraging’ her behavior than her actually taking the field. Whatever. She was arrested, bailed out for $250 bucks, and now has been on the field where the great Dipcan roams. Bully for her. I wish I could show you my titty to make up for the fact SportsService denied you some Friday, but I think you’d faint from sexiness. I’ll keep working on making it real creepy at the ball park…
Ryan Ludwick, congratulations; you are an All-Star. You don’t deserve it. Kyle Lohse, sorry, you are not an All-Star. You deserve it. Stats are a great measurement of individual achievement. But stats are also the same reason Ludwick’s manager,Tony LaRussa, has benched Ludwick at 3 different points this season for multiple games. All-Stars don’t not play when they can. Sorry. In a related story, Yadier Molina is destined to be the Mary Louise-Parker of his generation. Never sexy enough to get the vote by other teams fans, but hot enough for us to do the trick…
What if Tim actually wins the 6 million dollars or whatever it is for the champion from the WSOP Main Event. Do you think he’ll handle that well? Every conversation becoming more paranoid that the person talking is wanting his cash? Consuming tremendous amounts of energy fighting off new relatives, friends and varied sycophants wanting to latch on to the golden boy? Nah. I’m thinking once he gets in the money for over 6 figures he lays down. Then starts work on a yet to be determined Ray Ramano-centric porn site…
My "Cubs Suck" shirt was ordered off my back 3 separate times this weekend. Ushers cited a very canned ‘this is family entertainment’ line when pushed back. When I argued that they are professional seat finders and I have an English degree from Kentucky's Public Ivy University and am infinitely more qualified to determine the profanity level of ‘suck’ than they- it didn’t go over well. One usher told me that ‘cunning linguist’ would be acceptable, though. Ah. Sweet irony…
TBS lies. Baseball is not funny, nor is it very funny. Go to confession…
I almost forgot. How great was that Anthony Hamilton show this weekend. Holy shit, did he bring the thunder. Or so the hobos in Lucas Park said. Props to the Fair St Louis committee for that get. Gerald Levert must have been busy…
Mark Mulder. In Philly? Yeah. That’s going to be a fun one…