It was a surprise to learn Monday that Albert Pujols had a little surgery done on his right elbow. The surgery itself isn't surprising, but the fact that the Cardinals kept the news pretty quiet was. As crazy as we all are when it comes to Cardinals' news, you would have figured something would have leaked to the media.

But whatever, Pujols avoided Tommy John surgery, and according to the Cardinals training staff, he'll be back by Spring Training.

I did not type that with a straight face.

We are all aware of Pujols' toughness when it comes to injuries, so it's okay to assume that he'll be working his ass off to be ready by mid-February. The problem lies with this one little line in the story (taken from the Post-Dispatch):

The Cardinals first baseman underwent a 25-minute outpatient procedure at a West County facility shared by team medical supervisor Dr. George Paletta, who performed the procedure.

Yup, only one brave man could have performed this operation: the Cardinals' version of Dr. Nick Riviera. Paletta has done a craptastic job of diagnosing return dates for numerous Cardinals over the years, so his word means nothing to me (though to his credit, I guess it's possible that Paletta gave worse reports and Jocketty, DeWitt, Mozeliak, etc. hid the truth… but it happens every time, plus I like blaming the doctor).

The whole situation is actually a win-win for the fans: If Paletta did his job right, then Pujols will be healthier than in years past. He's put up monster numbers with a blown-up foot, back problems, elbow problems, and who knows what else. No telling what he's capable when 100% healthy. On the other hand, if Paletta fucks this up, not only will he be fired by the Cardinals… we're all whooping the shit out of him!

Misdiagnosing the likes of Matt Clement and Mark Mulder? No biggie, we'll forget about that by next summer. But doing anything that prevents Bert from hitting the field before opening day '09? That’s where we draw the line and it would be time for the ass-beating of a lifetime, doc. (Wait, why does the rest of the country think Cardinal fans are nuts?)

I'd like to say that I'm only kidding, but could you imagine the nutjobs from Bernie's Pressbox or the holier-than-thou (self-proclaimed) "Best Fans in Baseball" all gathering outside of Paletta's office if Albert doesn't heal up as expected? I'm pretty sure they'd literally burn him and his office to the ground.

And naturally, your buddy HMW will be reporting live, telling you all about the carnage.

Back to reality -- my gut feeling says Albert should be fine by Opening Day. Even if he's fully recovered, I'd rather he skip out on the World Baseball Classic, but he's way too competitive to just blow that off. Maybe the Dominicans will let him DH in that thing and fat-ass David Ortiz can embarrass himself at 1B for a couple weeks.

But if Albert is worse than Dr. Nick/Paletta says, it’s ass-beatin’ time.

(Note to self: let “Likes to Fight Guy” write more of my articles)

For more HMW, his violent nature, and a variety of other crap - check out www.bertflex.com