September 19th is International Talk Like a Pirate Day. Our beloved Cardinals confused this holiday with International Play Like a Butt Pirate Day. Or rather, weekend?Arrrrrr!


Let's get it all out on the table here, since some fans weren't convinced the Cards were out of 'it'... that giant fork sticking out ofPNC Park? You saw it right? Yeah, it's over. Not even the most delusional can dispute that at this point.


OK, good. We agree it's time to move on from 2008. Focus on the future. Take our minds off of baseball. All that crap. On the other hand, it doesn't appear that the Rams, our winter diversion, give a flying fuck about anything other than making Scott Linehan unhireable right down to the Wellston Powder Puff spring league so we might as well start bitching about looking to the off season and the 4 things the Cardinals must do to have a shot at the playoffs for October 2009. Damn. October 2009. That's a long time from now.


1. Re-Hire Dave Duncan. Since TLR is already signed through next season you might assume that Dave Duncan is as well. But you'd be wrong. Dave Duncan is pretty much the biggest free agent Karl Ravech and John Kruck will never mention on Baseball Tonight. You may have noticed the Cardinals like 2 things... not spending the money you give them and not spending the money you give them on starting pitching. (Hello Sydney Ponson! Come on down Kip Wells!). But to be perfectly frank, guys like Todd Wellemeyer or Joel Pinero wouldn't be playing baseball for a living if it wasn't for the genius of this cat. What he does exactly to make these guys serviceable is kind of like the secret sauce at McDonald's- don't ask questions, just savor the flavor. I couldn't even try to imagine a scenario where playing contract hardball with Big Duncan is beneficial to the short or long term success of this franchise. Now I get he hates Kevin Slaten and other media types like this jack leg who bang on his son all day, but bottom line - I think he's too loyal to TLR to go out on his own. Chances of this getting done? 97%.


2. Sign a veteran reliever. Or two. Even the most pessimistic and cynical Cardinal fan can see that next season the bullpen should... needs... to be a bright spot for the team. Chris Perez has gotten some valuable experience as the closer, if not always stable work. Jason Motte is one pitch away from being another plus arm with heat. Kyle McClellan has been gassed in September but more than proved his worth until that point. Throw in a health Josh Kinney, Randy Flores and Springer/Franklin and I kind of like where this is going. But we've also seen that of all the positions to stretch from a AAA schedule to a MLB 162 game + marathon- it's the bullpen. I think if Johnny Mo was to be completely honest, his biggest regret this past off season and subsequent trade deadline was underestimating this particular point. Picking up one or two proven veterans could and should turn a liability into a team strength. Chances of this getting done? 78%


3. Be honest. The fan base in this town is passionate. But passion turns to anger quicker than I think all of us who've ever been in a relationship will admit. When angry, passionate people start turning on their love... well, I think you get the point. We've been lied to for some time now. Big (Carpenter's fine, Mulder's fine, Izzy's fine) and small (Ballpark Village is fine) it's been documented that the Cardinals are not trustworthy. And even more so to their fans. This has to be the off season of open dialogue, full disclosure and back and forth that doesn't start with 'the media's blowing this way out of proportion'. Well no shit we're blowing it out of proportion. That's what the crazy, passionate fans want. And since they're not giving up anything to satiate this passion... Chances of this getting done? 1%


4. Raise the bar. Does that mean sign a big bat to protect Albert? It can. Does that mean making a trade with some of the top line prospects? Could be. But if we've learned one thing from 2008, it's the Cardinals don't hire black players. Sorry, wrong column. We've learned that the Cubs and Brewers aren't planning on rolling over for Houston and St. Louis anymore. Throw in the random decent season from either Cincinnati or Pittsburgh and from top to bottom it looks like the NL Central is far and away the division to measure yourself by in 2008 and 2009. What we did do in the early 00's worked. But that doesn't mean it will work now. We've got to be smarter, more creative and bolder than Chicago. I get the Cardinals don't have unlimited budget. I get that we have to have some low-cost cogs in the MLB machine- trust me I do- but much like Mike Shanahan going for 2 to win instead of kicking the extra point to tie... the organization needs to get its balls back and take some chances. Raise the bar. Do something awesome. Chances of this getting done? 30%


Next week we'll work on how to mentally prepare yourself for rooting against the Cubs in just a few short weeks...


athooks contributes to InsideSTL every Monday and to Cardinals Diaspora regularly.