By Anthony Spina
May 12, 2008
As I was surfing around the web this weekend, I noticed a headline that read, “Rapper DMX arrested for animal cruelty, drug charges.” This immediately made me think to myself, “Wait a minute, wasn’t DMX arrested last Tuesday as well for going like 150 MPH on a residential highway and then also arrested like three years ago for impersonating a police officer to commandeer a vehicle while high on crack-cocaine. I mean, really?”
Well, the answer is yes, really and after some research into DMX’s criminal history, I was not shocked to find out that DMX has a rap sheet that could rival any gangsta out there. Here is a quick review of the wild, drug-fueled joyride that is DMX’s life:
May 9, 2008: Arrested for possession of drugs and weapons at his residence, in which he barricaded himself in his room before giving himself up. Police also found numerous mistreated pit bull puppies as well.
May 7, 2008: Arrested for going 114 Mph on a local highway in Arizona. Charged with reckless driving, racing on a highway, three counts of criminal speed, two counts of endangerment, and driving with a suspended license. Released on bail.
August 24, 2008: Police removed 12 emaciated pit bulls from DMX’s home. The bodies of 3 dead dogs were also found buried in the backyard. A large cache of weapons and drug paraphernalia were also removed from the premises.
July 31, 2007: Stopped by police for driving an illegal motorbike and driving without a license or insurance. No court date has been set yet.
July 23, 2007: Stopped by police after trying to flee from officers on an illegal motorbike without a license and intoxicated. Given a Section 15 warning and was scheduled to appear in court on August 1, 2007.
February 2, 2007: Arrested for driving on an expired license charge. Courtroom appearance.
October 2006: Arrested in Boston after severely injuring 4-armed men. Charges dropped, as he was apparently acting in self-defense.
May 2006: Arrested after causing a disturbance at a London airport when he refused to put on a seatbelt and became abusive on a flight from New York to London.
April 2005: Charged with driving with a suspended license after a three-car collision on a highway in the Bronx in which he slammed into a car which then rammed the car into a police cruiser.
June 2004: Arrested at JFK Airport for cocaine possession, criminal impersonation, criminal possession of a weapon, criminal mischief, menacing and driving under the influence of drugs or alcohol while claiming to be a federal agent and attempting to carjack a vehicle.
June 2003: Arrested for using indecent language during a concert in the Caribbean.
2002: Pled guilty to animal cruelty for having 13 neglected pit bulls in his possession.
March 2000: Arrested for aggravated unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle, speeding, failure to signal, driving without a license, failure to notify the DMV of an address change, and possession of marijuana, cocaine, ecstasy, and Percocet while driving in New York.
October 1999: Arrested for flashing a mounted police officer while under the influence of drugs and alcohol. Sentenced to 2 months in prison.
All I can say is – Wow. Not only is the above list of offenses quite astonishing, it is even more amazing that while all of this was going on, DMX was dropping albums that were dominating the charts. He had four consecutive albums, 1998’s Flesh of My Flesh, Blood of My Blood, 1999’s ...And Then There Was X, 2001’s The Great Depression and 2003’s Grand Champ, go straight to the #1 spot on the charts. While DMX dominated hip-hop musically in the 1990’s, he also had a fairly successful acting career at the same time. He was involved in the 1998 classic Belly as well as the cinematic gems Romeo Must Die, Exit Wounds, Cradle 2 The Grave and Never Die Alone.
So this gets me thinking, “Wow, I bet it would be really cool to hang out with DMX for a day.” After thinking about it for quite some time, I decided to live fast and take chances. I attempted to contact DMX’s label, only to be met with open laughter. So instead of an actual day of chillin’ with DMX, this is a hypothetical daydream of what it would be like. In the end, it is probably a better idea anyway, because it does not involve jail time, dog fighting or PCP.
So if I were to actually spend a day with DMX in St. Louis, it would probably go a little something like this…
I figured that I would start our day off with meeting at Starbucks. Everyone likes coffee, right? So I am sitting in the back of the store and I see this massive machine pull up. One of those motor vehicles that commands your attention and makes your car feel inferior just by being next to it at stop light. It is a lifted 08’ Range Rover with Lambo doors. Lambo doors on a 08’ Range, now that is a first for me, but here we go.
DMX swaggers into the coffeehouse and upon seeing my raised arm joins
So I am at a small table in Starbucks sitting across from DMX, one of the most successful and badass rap artists of the last two decades. He is sitting back in his chair and crunching his ice while chewing on both of the black straws, staring down everyone in the establishment. Not really sure how to start off the conversation, I sheepishly throw out, “So if you could do anything today, anything at all, what would it be?” “I want to swim with some mother fu@&ing dolphins, for real,” was the fairly enthusiastic response I received.
Now, I have not been to the St. Louis Zoo in quite some time, but I am pretty sure that we do not have any dolphins there. But D told me to trust him, and off we went. To be quite honest, I was initially scared to get into the car with D. He is notorious for having fees for moving violations that could equal some couple’s mortgage payments. But to my total surprise, he was probably one of the more courteous drivers I have had the privilege to be in a car with.
When we pulled up to the Zoo parking lot, there was somehow a valet runner waiting to take our car, or whip as they call it in the hip hop world. I found this a bit odd, but I was starting to begin to realize that this was going to be anything but a normal day. Sure enough, when we stepped inside, we were immediately taken to a huge tank where I saw two dolphins swimming around. D asked which dolphin was the weakest, and then promptly responded, “Give me the other one.”
Once again, I find myself in a surreal situation. Not really sure of what you talk about when you are riding on dolphins with a rap superstar, I throw out, “So do you like video games?” This causes D to pause momentarily and slowly respond, “Oh, hell no, is that a challenge?” Great. Looks like I just hit the alpha male hot spot. I sheepishly squeak out a “Yes?” We finished our dolphin ride and D called the valet over, who he tipped with a hundred dollar bill and some Wampum. One could ask themselves, “Where did he get Wampum and how can he think that it is still a valid form of currency?” But I could have reflected on this particular question for paragraphs over and decided to let it be.
While we are driving, D asks me what my favorite street in St. Louis is. I randomly say The Loop and point him in the right direction. When we are just about in front of Blueberry Hill, he stops the car and puts it in park. “Backseat,” D says in a commanding tone. “This is it, he is going to kill me,” I think to myself. But it was anything but. He had plasma TV’s on the backs of his headrests and had an Xbox 360 set up for them. D popped in Grand Theft Auto 5 (Yeah, 4 just came out) and he said that he “always gets the best seat in the house.” Apparently the best seat in St. Louis is in the middle of the street in front of Blueberry Hill.
I am starting to realize that D is living in some sort of functional fantasyland. The normal laws of the land and universe do not apply to him. He had no regard for any sort of conventional aspect of the world or norms around him. I also think he may have magical powers. Seriously. Later in the day I saw him intimidate a can of soda into opening itself up just by looking at it long enough.
After he dominated me at Grand Theft Auto 5, D asked me if I liked to shoot guns. Trying to sound hard, I replied, “Been shooting since I was born.” Upon my suggestion of a shooting range on Manchester, he just said, “Naw, I got my own spot.” I was taken into an industrial park on the outskirts of the city where we pulled into a covered warehouse. D jumped out of the car and popped the back door of the Range Rover. He removed a tarp to expose some of the most awesomely badass guns I have ever seen in my life. When I asked if they were street legal, I received the reply, “Yeah….”
D went over to a wall and put up a picture of Jar Jar Binks, the beloved character from Star Wars: A New Hope. I found this to be extremely strange and decided to inquire about this odd choice of target. “Yo D, you got beef with Jar Jar Binks?” “Man, if I ever see Jar Jar again, I am going to whoop his ass,” was the straight up serious reply I was met with. Honestly, I think that D has met Jar Jar Binks before. I am not joking. He was dead serious.
After we left the warehouse, D said he had some other business to attend to and hoped that I had enough to write a good article. I thanked him for his time and mentioned that it was a day I would never forget. “Yeah, I am just sorry we didn’t get a chance to stop by and see the mayor, I used to freestyle with him back in the day. Maybe next time. Ride or die,” was the last thing D said to me before he dropped me off. Honestly, I don’t think he was joking.
Check out this badass DMX video for "Whats My Name" (Warning: Explicit lyrics): me at the small table. Upon seeing me, he simply replies, “I am thirsty dog, and I know they got what I am drinking.” We walked up to the counter and D promptly orders “The DMX.” When the waitress responds that they do not have any sort of drink by that name, D orders a cup of ice, filled three-fourths of the way to the top, with 2 small black stirring straws. I of course ordered the standard double shot Carmel Macchiato with skim milk and extra Carmel drizzles.
Any suggestions of who I should hypothetically interview in the future?
Drop me a line at spina314@gmail.com